New Year’s is all about wearing a party hat…if you know what I mean.
“I work at a dry cleaners and people love to leave little surprises in their pocket for you. Like, used tissue paper, used condoms, half way chewed gum. Not to mention any of the little “accidents” they so left behind. But one day, checking pockets. There was a mini vibrator in a pocket that was not clean. Let me just say, every time you drop your clothes off and you leave a few bucks in your pockets, it’s going straight into my wallet.”
“For some reason, my twelve year old brother is curious about my parents’ sex life. Every day, he sneaks into my dad’s bathroom and counts how many condoms are there. Yesterday, he barged into my room, shouting “Mom and Dad had sex last night!” Apparently one condom had gone missing. I honestly have no idea why he finds this so fascinating. Me? I really don’t need to know about my parents having sex. *shudder*”
WTF - Counting Condoms
The boy has a right to know.
About as long as it takes to grow your virginity tree.
If you think condoms are expensive, you’ve never tried to pay Chris Tucker.
Humor Us - Staff Jokes [Click to continue reading]
Chipotle brings out the worst in us…literally.
For all that hot marital intercourse you kids are having.
“i work in a supermarket, its easy work and the money’s not bad a few weeks ago a guy walks past me basket full of condoms, lube and chocolate sirup. the next thing i know he looks at his phone, mutters under his breath and dumps all the stuff on the floor then walks out. something tells me his evening got cancelled.”
I don’t know, Suzanne Gooch seems way more reliable than Kathy Condom.
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“I didn’t prank my roommate, but one day when he went to class I rifled through all of his shit. I found his condoms with a small bag of rubber bands inside the box with them. What the fuck are the rubber bands for?”
“I met my girlfriends mother for the first time recently. I had been dating her for about two months, when her mom asked me in private if she was pregnant yet. I responded by saying that of the few (lies) times we have had sex, I have been diligent wearing a condom. She then asked me to start poking pin holes into them, and knock her up. WHAT THE FUCK?!”
It took a lot of research, but we were able to uncover the truth.