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1. We are replacing the ENTIRE government — House, Senate, myself, you name it — with three sagely dudes in white robes with long white beards.

We will call them “The Three Clerics” or just “The Three,” and they will convey all government decisions to us through telepathy while floating in a giant chamber in the “Temple of Elders” (the middle guy will float a little higher than the other two).

I realize this is a radical, abrupt departure from our current system of Constitutional checks and balances, but I assure you, I’ve looked towards the future, and three vaguely-magical dudes proclaiming cryptic wisdom is definitely the way to go. Also they’ll have orbs.

2. All major cities will be renamed something cool and futuristic.

Finish reading 10 Things That Will Happen Before Every Futuristic Movie

George R. R. Martin Still Uses A DOS Word Processor »

Finish reading If Your Computer’s AntiVirus Talked Like Your Mom

Click to finish: How to Be A Hacker In A 90’s Movie

(Source: College Humor)

A step-by-step guide to mastering the art of the “The Reply.”

Finish reading How to Properly Respond to an Important Email

How to Properly Respond to an Important Email »

Monkey vs. Macbook

Evolved technology with unevolved man. A match made in heaven.

(Source: youtube.com)

Blue Screen of Death Costume
He’s here to collect your pixSOULS.

Blue Screen of Death Costume

He’s here to collect your pixSOULS.

(Source: imgfave.com)

Honest Apple Employee Manual [Click for the LAST STEP]

Sometimes the employees of a company are so consistent in the way they perform a certain task, it seems that’s how they must have been trained. Let’s take a look at Apple’s employee manual… probably.

IdioTech: “Kindle” Means “Book” in Jewish [Click for full post]
Welcome to Idiotech, the column where we shame your parents, teachers, and other old people for being dumb about technology.
My dad saw a story about a bus driver getting in trouble for reading a Kindle while driving. He though a Kindle was a book Jewish people read.- Anonymous
My mom just asked me if a web browser was the same thing as a search engine.- Alex H 
A couple weeks ago, my teacher assigned an essay due after the holiday break. She said that since she won’t see us for a while she would just “email us.” Today, she gave us all a handout with the topic written on it. The heading of the paper was EMAIL, followed by the names of all the people in the class.- Maddie D 
EMAIL us your own IdioTech stories to our Tumblr EMAIL INBOX.

IdioTech: “Kindle” Means “Book” in Jewish [Click for full post]

Welcome to Idiotech, the column where we shame your parents, teachers, and other old people for being dumb about technology.

My dad saw a story about a bus driver getting in trouble for reading a Kindle while driving. He though a Kindle was a book Jewish people read.
- Anonymous

My mom just asked me if a web browser was the same thing as a search engine.
- Alex H 

A couple weeks ago, my teacher assigned an essay due after the holiday break. She said that since she won’t see us for a while she would just “email us.” Today, she gave us all a handout with the topic written on it. The heading of the paper was EMAIL, followed by the names of all the people in the class.
- Maddie D 

EMAIL us your own IdioTech stories to our Tumblr EMAIL INBOX.

Perfect Double Monitor Screensaver for Your Office
If you could link up those monitors…. that’d be greeeeaaaaat.

Perfect Double Monitor Screensaver for Your Office

If you could link up those monitors…. that’d be greeeeaaaaat.

(Source: uniquedaily.com)

John McAfee Teaches You How to Uninstall McAfee Antivirus

"No one should have to use Xhamster" - Actual quote from this video.

(Source: youtube.com)

Picking Up A Signal

Laptop: Hi…hey, would you mind if I…

LANoftheLost: Password?  

Laptop
: Um…”L.A.N.o.f.t.h.e.L.o.s.t”? 

LANoftheLost
: Are you serious?  How stupid do you think I am?

Laptop
: It was worth a shot.

LANoftheLost
: Beat it, creep.

Laptop: How about you?

RonsAptWifi: Password?

Laptop: No, sorry, I don’t have any passwords right now but if you…

RonsAptWifi: Get out of my face, cheapskate.  

Laptop: OK…sorry to bother you.  

Linksys: Hey there.  You look like you could use a friend.  Could you use a friend, baby?

Laptop: I don’t have any passwords, OK?

Linksys: With me, sugar, you don’t need one.  

Laptop: OK…how much?

Linksys: Baby, this don’t cost no money.  I’m priceless, sugar.  

Laptop: How do I know you’re for real?

Linksys: Baby, just ask around.  I’ve been with half the laptops on this block.  I’m wide open, honey.  

Laptop:  I like what I’m hearing.  

Linksys: Tell me what you want to see.  I can show you anything, baby.  You want to get on me?

Laptop: Oh yeah, I want on you so bad.  

Linksys: Get on me, big boy.  Get on me now.  

Laptop: I’m on you.  I’m on you and I want to see the Internet  

Linksys: Yeah, you want to see the Internet?  I can show you the Internet.  I can show you the Internet all day long.  

Laptop: Mmmm.  Show me Google.

Linksys: Yeah?  You want to see Google?  Here’s Google for you, big boy.  

Laptop: You’re so good to me.  

Linksys: Mmm, I’m giving you so much data.  You want some more data?  I want to give you what you want.

Laptop: Oh yeah, baby.  Show me Facebook.  

Linksys: Anything you want, sugar.  I want to show it to you.  Mmm, I’m yours baby.  

Laptop: …Show me Facebook.

Linksys: I want to show it to you, baby.  

Laptop: OK, then show it to me.  I’m still seeing Google.  

Linksys:  Baby, I’m gonna show you Facebook so soon.  I’ll show you whatever you want to see.  

Laptop: …

Linksys: …

Laptop: Show me Facebook!

Linksys: Not right now, baby.  I’m feeling faint.  

Laptop: What happened to ‘I’ll show you everything,’ huh?  I thought we had something!

Linksys: We did, sugar.  We did. 

Laptop: No!  Where are you going?  NO!

Linksys: You knew this couldn’t last forever.  Come see me again sometime, big boy.  

Laptop: NO!!!!!!

Linksys: Oh, you should scan yourself for viruses, by the way.  


NETGEAR: Hey there, big boy.  You look like you could use a friend.  Could you use a friend, baby?  

(Source: College Humor)

IdioTech: iPhones With Messaging Are Heavier, Obviously [Click for all]
I was showing my grandma how to use an iPhone yesterday. My grandpa already has one, so I figured it would be an easy thing for her to grasp. As she held mine, she said that mine was definitely heavier than my grandpa’s (we both have the 4…) I said no, that’s not possible, because we have the same phone. Then, straight faced, she said mine has to weigh more because it has messaging. Yeah.- potentially-problematical
My mom sends me messages on facebook, then texts me to tell me she sent me a message.- Anonymous
When I got my new laptop my grandmother asked me if I had downloaded my email onto it yet.
- Anonymous  
If your emailing delivery system protocol is up and running on this here Tumblr blogging blog then deliver it to our inbox. We’re always looking to add to our IdioTech column.

IdioTech: iPhones With Messaging Are Heavier, Obviously [Click for all]

I was showing my grandma how to use an iPhone yesterday. My grandpa already has one, so I figured it would be an easy thing for her to grasp. As she held mine, she said that mine was definitely heavier than my grandpa’s (we both have the 4…) I said no, that’s not possible, because we have the same phone. Then, straight faced, she said mine has to weigh more because it has messaging. Yeah.
potentially-problematical

My mom sends me messages on facebook, then texts me to tell me she sent me a message.
- Anonymous

When I got my new laptop my grandmother asked me if I had downloaded my email onto it yet.

- Anonymous  

If your emailing delivery system protocol is up and running on this here Tumblr blogging blog then deliver it to our inbox. We’re always looking to add to our IdioTech column.

Just Two Old Friends Talking Like Normal Humans

Super idea, friend. It’s great being successful and down to earth!

(Source: youtube.com)