“To whoever gave my fiance the Dementors Kiss idea. Fuck.You.”

“The first time I had sex with my boyfriend, and after we were both done, I jumped off him to open the window to cool off and the first thing he said was, ‘That breeze is the best thing I’ve ever felt…’ Wow”

“My boyfriend likes to pretend my nipples are Etch-A-Sketch knobs. He frequently “messes up his picture,” shakes my boobs, and starts all over.”

“My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I had sex with my ex before we started going out.”

“One night while having sex with my girlfriend, me on top, she farted, let out a tiny laugh, then asked, “Did that tickle your balls?” Chicks, man.”

“My boyfriend likes to make “DJ noises” of scratching a record. He does this while making the action of scratching on my boob.”