All a dreamer has to do is just dream.
All a dreamer has to do is just dream.
So real it hurts.
We’re strong, simple people. We enjoy the simple pleasures: Flannel, dirty gloves, throwing lumber onto truckbeds in slow-mo, leaning on fences, you name it. MAN do we love leaning on fences. Wood fences, wire fences — you give us a fence, we’ll lean the fuck on it.
Out here, it’s always sunrise or sunset. Are there other times in the day? We don’t know. And frankly, we don’t want to know. We’re simple like that. All we know is that this lumber has to go from here to somewhere else, and it’s up to us to move it. Also there’s horses out here so shut those greasy gates and let’s peel out into the mud.
Us? We’re all about family. When we’re not about lumber. Which is often. But we’ll swing by the son’s Little League game and rub his head when his team loses, then swing by the gal’s Little League game and rub her head when her team loses. Just let em know that it’s all gonna be ok because we love them, and we’ll get that lumber where it needs to go.
But we’re not afraid to let loose every now and then! Sometimes we go to the diner where the way-too-attractive waitress pours us coffee and gives us broad smiles. She may look like a model but she’s got flannel on and never isn’t turning around with a coffee pot so she’s one of us.
We live on a porch. Quiet. Homely. Not much call for buildings in our town — we’re not really into ‘frills’ — just give us a porch and some iced tea pitchers with the sun shining through them and we’re as happy as a pig in gloves leaning on a fence.
At night, we just admire the stars. LOVE those stars. Who needs a television when you got stars? Not us, that’s who.
My son points up at the stars as if to say “wow!” I smile. I am glad my son enjoys the stars. At least one kid gets that you don’t need ‘video games’ when you have stars. They’re like our own little tiny, glowing fences in the sky for our eyes to lean on. Truly magical.
In conclusion, I love this country.
My wife is a truck made of fences.
We’re just simple folk who love fences and throwin’ wood in slo-mo!
Is this what Coachella is like?
The government is claiming 18% of your sanity.
The Russian president’s Olympics are the best laundered money can buy.
Every relationship ends with Kay.
With this year’s slate of Super Bowl ads to include a Full House Reunion, a Seinfeld Reunion, and Morpheus from The Matrix checkin’ out Kias (hot off the heels of last year’s Ferris Bueller ad), let’s take a look into the FUTURE of Super Bowl ads based on things we LOVE or KIND OF REMEMBER from the past, brought back and made better!!!!
Here are 20 ads currently in the works probably:
1. It’s OFFICE SPACE but Lumberg needs those BUD LIGHT reports
2. BOBA FETT falls into Sarlac Pit, turns to camera and is all like “I should’ve used GODADDY”
3. The cast of SAVED BY THE BELL at their reunion all eating POPCHIPS. Belding gets hit in balls w/ chips
4. CGI’d Patrick Swazye: “Nobody puts PISTACHIOS in a corner”
5. Lady from When Harry Met Sally (alive?) says “I’ll have what she’s having” and what she’s having is an AUDI
6. FRASIER singing “Tossed Salad and Scrambled BUDWEISER” (Note: If Frasier unavail, can replace w/ brother or dog)
7. Patrick Stewart as CAPTAIN PICARD says “Make it so.” Make what so? Camera spins around and it turns out he’s asking you to make NEW DORITOS FLAVOR so.
8. The cast of MEAN GIRLS just straight-up says that BUGLES are “fetch” and that’s it. Cool #hashtag is on the screen tho
9. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN asks for MORE COWBELL in his brand spankin new DRE BEATS (or Jay Mohr as Chris Walken? TBD)
10. MACAULAY CULKIN makes the HOME ALONE face over the great deals on PRICELINE and it goes VIRAL
11. Cast of 2 GUNS having 2 FUNS replacing their guns with 2 OIKOS YOGURTS (shaped like guns?)
12. PHOEBE CATES from FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH gets out of the pool, is just about to take her top off but then something funny happens TOYOTA.
13. DEMI MOORE and A PATRICK SWAYZE LOOKALIKE in the clay scene from GHOST but instead of clay they’re molding a SPECIAL K PROTEIN SHAKE. (last shot: Whoopi Goldberg looks on and winks?)
14. DOC BROWN just needs one more ingredient to get the time machine running to go BACK TO THE FUTURE. That ingredient? HOTELS DOT COM
15. DENZEL WASHINGTON from REMEMBER THE TITANS actually forgets the Titans because now he’s too busy remembering CARMAX
16. The cast of VERONICA’S CLOSET reunites and eats CHEERIOS at their office (pretty sure they were in an office right?)
17. VAN HELSING faces a test greater than any monster: The Taste of COKE ZERO
18. Hologram MARLON BRANDO says “Today, on the day of my daughter’s wedding…we’re having TOSTITOS SCOOPS!” ZOOM OUT to reveal cast of GODFATHER (all holograms) dipping scoops in TOSTITOS SALSA at wedding (Randy Jackson there too?)
19. Psy does the GANGNAM STYLE dance in a hay field with sexy tractors in background: it’s Oppa NATIONAL FARM WORKER’S ASSOCIATION Style! (5 minute ad)
20. Team from SAVING PRIVATE RYAN goes to save Private Ryan but walk right past him and instead save 15% OR MORE ON THEIR CAR INSURANCE, i.e., because that is better than Private Ryan. Last shot is Private Ryan shrugging at camera like “what are ya gonna do”
Now add yours!
So good it’ll go right through ya.
Shut up and take my money!
The altitude isn’t the only thing that’s high (i.e. the people are as well - high on marijuana).