Sometimes the employees of a company are so consistent in the way they perform a certain task, it seems that’s how they must have been trained. Here, without naming names, are these companies’ employee manuals…probably.
Be SLIGHTLY stressed out about not having enough time or money to eat a healthy lunch.
Construct a very elaborate rationalization about how you can probably just skip lunch today and be fine. Like, you eat three meals a day. You’re eating constantly. Your body probably has so much energy stored up that it won’t even notice if you skip a meal this ONE time.
Immediately regret this plan as soon as you catch even the faintest whiff of someone else’s lunch.
Think about having a snack.
Nah, you’re fine. Snacks are for weaklings.
Be very unproductive for two hours.
Well, okay. So maybe you’re a weakling. That’s fine! There’s no shame in that.
That snack was NOT enough. But if you have more food now, you’ll ruin your appetite for dinner and then throw your whole eating cycle into chaos.
Man, when did you become your mom?
Notice that every task you have to do feels much…harder than usual. Answering an email from a friend? Jesus Christ, who are you, a PUBLIC RELATIONS MOGUL?
Hmm. Weird. You’ve never noticed this before, but everyone you work with is sort of annoying.
Finish reading —> How to Drive Yourself Crazy by Skipping a Meal
Don’t talk to me until you’ve read this article.
Finish reading What the World Looks Like Before and After Coffee
Finish reading —> The 5 Starbucks Habits That Should Be Punishable By Death
Watch —> Internet Commenter Funeral
Do you think it’s only fair that there be a White History Month? Then we’ve got the soda for you!
Things look a little different when you’re drunk…
Watch —> Nick Offerman’s Shower Thoughts
Nick Offerman is a wise man that often contemplates life while gently stroking his mustache. Prepare to reevaluate everything you know in life as he rattles off some of the more genius musings found on Reddit’s r/showerthoughts thread.
Forget the big questions and revelations like “what happens after death?” and “1/5 of all people in the world are on social media,” Offerman’s digging up true mind blowers. Like the fact that your right hand has never touched your right elbow. *BOOM!*
Better check the back of your head, cuz it’s likely your mind was just blown out of it.
If you’re in England then go see Jake & Amir + Streeter perform. Still few tickets available. Early show is sketches/stand up and the late show is our podcast.
See you there? http://www.o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk/
Mr. Burns wants to connect with you on Linkedin. Excellent.
Everyone’s favorite 10-second game show is BACK!