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Real. Talk.
Finish reading 9 Problems That Weren’t Solved by Advice Columns

Real. Talk.

Finish reading 9 Problems That Weren’t Solved by Advice Columns

I like to imagine this is Chandler Bing and Janice.
Finish reading 9 Problems That Weren’t Solved by Advice Columns

I like to imagine this is Chandler Bing and Janice.

Finish reading 9 Problems That Weren’t Solved by Advice Columns

Regret Everything: Love Thy Hipsters [Click for full post]
In “Regret Everything,” comedian Will Hines gives a weekly update on the thoughts that are gnawing at his brain.
We love criticizing hipsters. The main problem is that all of our criticisms sound like compliments. 
Ask people to describe hipsters, and even though their faces scrunch up with disdain, everything out of their mouths sounds like a nice thing. 
“Oh, hipsters? Can’t stand them. They’re all these YOUNG, THIN people who are OBSESSED WITH FASHION, and they basically HAVE TO KNOW THE LATEST BANDS, and need to be COOL. They all are BANKROLLED BY THEIR PARENTS and just spend their days MAKING ART and DOING DRUGS and HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER.” 
Uh, that mostly sounds awesome? And I would like to live that way. 
The main criticism of hipsters is that they are fake and posed. That their unkempt ball bearing earrings and necklaces made of piano keys are DELIBERATELY unkempt, and so therefore are fake and should be regarded with deep disapproval, furrowed brows and searing comments on Gawker. 
But criticizing anyone for being posed or fake is a slippery slope. How is a self-described rock muralist who grows a deliberately wild handlebar mustache any more fake than an investment banker applying a splash of cologne to his neck? How is any fashion of any kind not FAKE or POSED? 
Let me be plain: I say this because I’m obsessed with hipsters and desperately want to be one. I’m too old, my taste in music is too lame (Billy Joel shows up on my iPhone shuffle) and I don’t like tattoos. But I would love to be thin, smoking and working on my shitty art all day on Daddy’s dime. I don’t make fun of people who have that lifestyle, I salute them. [Continue Reading]

Regret Everything: Love Thy Hipsters [Click for full post]

In “Regret Everything,” comedian Will Hines gives a weekly update on the thoughts that are gnawing at his brain.

We love criticizing hipsters. The main problem is that all of our criticisms sound like compliments.

Ask people to describe hipsters, and even though their faces scrunch up with disdain, everything out of their mouths sounds like a nice thing.

“Oh, hipsters? Can’t stand them. They’re all these YOUNG, THIN people who are OBSESSED WITH FASHION, and they basically HAVE TO KNOW THE LATEST BANDS, and need to be COOL. They all are BANKROLLED BY THEIR PARENTS and just spend their days MAKING ART and DOING DRUGS and HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER.”

Uh, that mostly sounds awesome? And I would like to live that way.

The main criticism of hipsters is that they are fake and posed. That their unkempt ball bearing earrings and necklaces made of piano keys are DELIBERATELY unkempt, and so therefore are fake and should be regarded with deep disapproval, furrowed brows and searing comments on Gawker.

But criticizing anyone for being posed or fake is a slippery slope. How is a self-described rock muralist who grows a deliberately wild handlebar mustache any more fake than an investment banker applying a splash of cologne to his neck? How is any fashion of any kind not FAKE or POSED?

Let me be plain: I say this because I’m obsessed with hipsters and desperately want to be one. I’m too old, my taste in music is too lame (Billy Joel shows up on my iPhone shuffle) and I don’t like tattoos. But I would love to be thin, smoking and working on my shitty art all day on Daddy’s dime. I don’t make fun of people who have that lifestyle, I salute them. [Continue Reading]

The Ref: The World Series, Bumblebee Uniforms, and MORE![Full Article]
Every week, Chris Barth updates you on the important events in the sporting world – the ones you may have heard of and the ones you definitely missed. He’s watching the games and calling things as he sees them. This is The Ref. 
The New York Islanders Are Moving To Brooklyn

New York’s second-favorite hockey team announced that it will be moving from its longtime home in Long Island to a newer, hipper neighborhood – the Barclays Center in Brooklyn. The Brooklyn Nets promptly derided the move, noting that they decided to move to the area “before it was mainstream.” The Islanders were quick to note that the NHL is about as far from mainstream as you can get.

Bradley Wiggins Won The Velo d’Or Award

Cycling fan was delighted to hear that British cyclist Bradley Wiggins won the Velo d’Or Award as the best rider of 2012. The Olympic gold medalist and reigning Tour d’France winner was also retroactively awarded third place in the 2009 Tour de France after Lance Armstrong was stripped of his titles. A good week for Bradley Wiggins, who, if I’m not mistaken, was previously best known for helping Frodo Baggins destroy the one ring to rule them all in the fires of Mordor.




[Continue reading]

The Ref: The World Series, Bumblebee Uniforms, and MORE![Full Article]

Every week, Chris Barth updates you on the important events in the sporting world – the ones you may have heard of and the ones you definitely missed. He’s watching the games and calling things as he sees them. This is The Ref. 

The New York Islanders Are Moving To Brooklyn

New York’s second-favorite hockey team announced that it will be moving from its longtime home in Long Island to a newer, hipper neighborhood – the Barclays Center in Brooklyn. The Brooklyn Nets promptly derided the move, noting that they decided to move to the area “before it was mainstream.” The Islanders were quick to note that the NHL is about as far from mainstream as you can get.

Bradley Wiggins Won The Velo d’Or Award

Cycling fan was delighted to hear that British cyclist Bradley Wiggins won the Velo d’Or Award as the best rider of 2012. The Olympic gold medalist and reigning Tour d’France winner was also retroactively awarded third place in the 2009 Tour de France after Lance Armstrong was stripped of his titles. A good week for Bradley Wiggins, who, if I’m not mistaken, was previously best known for helping Frodo Baggins destroy the one ring to rule them all in the fires of Mordor.

The Ref: The World Series, Bumblebee Suits, and MORE - Image 1

[Continue reading]

TLDNR: 3 Incredible Inventions to Change the World [Click for full post]
In fourth grade my school participated in something called The Invention Convention. The idea was that every elementary school student in the country would dream up an idea, create a working model, and be ranked by an elite group of third, fourth, and fifth grade teachers who were stupid enough to volunteer to judge the competition. My invention was for a new type of mailbox that had a tray attached to the door. When you opened the door the tray would slide out with your mail on it, making it easier to grab. I got the idea after watching my dad struggle to reach into our mailbox from the car which, while funny, seemed like a setup that could be improved upon. One time he was struggling to reach so much that he farted, which was another reason my invention would be useful, as I, riding shotgun that day, was in the direct line of fire.
My father had also participated in an Invention Convention when he was a kid, but only came up with a device called the Egg Crusher, which was a hammer, secured to a piece of wood, that would drop and smash an egg. He did not place well for the fairly obvious reason that crushing an egg, should you ever need to do that, is easy enough without a hammer-wood contraption. I was determined to reclaim my family’s good name with my sliding tray mailbox idea.
As I scanned the convention hall (gym), I was fairly confident. Most kids had egg crusher-level inventions on display: hastily made devices that served no real world purpose. Mine, on the other hand, was an improvement on a device everyone in my town used daily. When it came time for the awards I was defeated by the single stupidest one in the room: An automatic bed maker. The perfect invention for a stupid kid whose worldview consisted only of their own home. The winner, who shall remain nameless except that her name was Molly Bradley, proudly accepted the award for her foolish, impractical invention while I was left with nothing but a working prototype of a revolutionary device.
By the way, sliding tray mailboxes hit the market about two years later, leading me to believe that the Invention Convention is just a ploy to steal little kids’ ideas and create them before they’re smart enough to see they’ve been robbed. I still constantly think of inventions but now, many years older, I’m not naive enough to think I can personally benefit from my thoughts. As with the rigged Invention Convention, some huge corporation will just copy my idea and I will be stuck draining my savings trying to sue them. So now I invent for invention’s sake, or because I just want these products and ideas to exist. So go ahead and steal them. I’ll ask that you cut me in on the profits but you, like the thieves who stole my mailbox ideas, will probably just play dumb.
The Rolling Suitcase Seat
I travel a lot for shows and work which means I spend a lot of time standing around, miserable, draped in heavy luggage. Should I be lucky enough to score a seat somewhere, society dictates that I, as a healthy 20-something male, must give it up to literally anyone else. I don’t want to be rude so I’m almost always stuck standing in terminals, in trains, in waiting rooms, anywhere, which is annoying because I generally don’t like supporting my own weight. But what if I always had my own chair? What if my rolling suitcase could be turned into a little personal seat that I wouldn’t have to give up to anyone? Dream no longer!



All the elements are there: the top of the bag is the seat and the retractable handle is the back board. You don’t want your chair sliding all over the place so there is a kickstand-like device that will deploy a small set of legs, similar to how you park a moped. Finally! A way to not have to give old ladies a seat! [Continue reading]

TLDNR: 3 Incredible Inventions to Change the World [Click for full post]

In fourth grade my school participated in something called The Invention Convention. The idea was that every elementary school student in the country would dream up an idea, create a working model, and be ranked by an elite group of third, fourth, and fifth grade teachers who were stupid enough to volunteer to judge the competition. My invention was for a new type of mailbox that had a tray attached to the door. When you opened the door the tray would slide out with your mail on it, making it easier to grab. I got the idea after watching my dad struggle to reach into our mailbox from the car which, while funny, seemed like a setup that could be improved upon. One time he was struggling to reach so much that he farted, which was another reason my invention would be useful, as I, riding shotgun that day, was in the direct line of fire.

My father had also participated in an Invention Convention when he was a kid, but only came up with a device called the Egg Crusher, which was a hammer, secured to a piece of wood, that would drop and smash an egg. He did not place well for the fairly obvious reason that crushing an egg, should you ever need to do that, is easy enough without a hammer-wood contraption. I was determined to reclaim my family’s good name with my sliding tray mailbox idea.

As I scanned the convention hall (gym), I was fairly confident. Most kids had egg crusher-level inventions on display: hastily made devices that served no real world purpose. Mine, on the other hand, was an improvement on a device everyone in my town used daily. When it came time for the awards I was defeated by the single stupidest one in the room: An automatic bed maker. The perfect invention for a stupid kid whose worldview consisted only of their own home. The winner, who shall remain nameless except that her name was Molly Bradley, proudly accepted the award for her foolish, impractical invention while I was left with nothing but a working prototype of a revolutionary device.

By the way, sliding tray mailboxes hit the market about two years later, leading me to believe that the Invention Convention is just a ploy to steal little kids’ ideas and create them before they’re smart enough to see they’ve been robbed. I still constantly think of inventions but now, many years older, I’m not naive enough to think I can personally benefit from my thoughts. As with the rigged Invention Convention, some huge corporation will just copy my idea and I will be stuck draining my savings trying to sue them. So now I invent for invention’s sake, or because I just want these products and ideas to exist. So go ahead and steal them. I’ll ask that you cut me in on the profits but you, like the thieves who stole my mailbox ideas, will probably just play dumb.

The Rolling Suitcase Seat

I travel a lot for shows and work which means I spend a lot of time standing around, miserable, draped in heavy luggage. Should I be lucky enough to score a seat somewhere, society dictates that I, as a healthy 20-something male, must give it up to literally anyone else. I don’t want to be rude so I’m almost always stuck standing in terminals, in trains, in waiting rooms, anywhere, which is annoying because I generally don’t like supporting my own weight. But what if I always had my own chair? What if my rolling suitcase could be turned into a little personal seat that I wouldn’t have to give up to anyone? Dream no longer!

TLDNR: 3 Incredible Inventions to Change the World - Image 5

All the elements are there: the top of the bag is the seat and the retractable handle is the back board. You don’t want your chair sliding all over the place so there is a kickstand-like device that will deploy a small set of legs, similar to how you park a moped. Finally! A way to not have to give old ladies a seat! [Continue reading]

REPLY ALL / REPLY ALL: Careers, Roommates, Monty Python, Remembering Names

Every Tuesday resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you’ve got on your mind. There will be GIFS[Full Post]

My dad wants me to join the army/sherrif’s department but I want to finish college and get my law degree. Any thoughts? Also, y’all are awesome. – Robin

It’s pretty normal to have some disconnect between what your parents want for your future and your own ambitions. For example, I wanted to be a Disney channel star but my parents wanted me to be “college educated” and “not likely to drive a Porsche through a stranger’s living room while on a coke binge.” Your dad has spent eighteen years making the major decisions for your life, so it’s probably a little scary to give up control to a complete life-running rookie. But ultimately, it is your life. So if what you really want is to be a lawyer, do it. Work your ass off and openly weep during the LSATs and buy power suits. Also, leave me your number because I’m going to need a good lawyer if the Disney thing ever pans out.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc06sy53Zt1rfduvxo1_250.gif http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc06sy53Zt1rfduvxo1_250.gif http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc06sy53Zt1rfduvxo1_250.gif


How do you gently tell you roommate that she NEEDS TO FUCKING KEEP HER SHIT ON HER SIDE OF THE DAMN ROOM? – M.V.

I’d say you have two options:

  1. A series of passive aggressive notes that spiral into aggressive aggressive notes and eventually land you a meeting with the RA to explain why you’ve covered the dorm room with “Fuck you and your fucking cereal bowl” post-its.
  2. Talk to her. Unless she’s some psychological mastermind, she’s probably not trying to piss you off on purpose. She might not even be aware of how much she’s invading your space. Don’t try to scold her (no one likes feeling cornered), but let her know where your head is at. “Hey can you try to keep your things on your side a little more? Sorry, stuff like that really stresses me out.”

BOOM! Angry confrontation avoided! People skills achieved!

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mblmtaAkOk1r9jhwp.gif

[Continue reading]

Need advice? You can tweet at @marinarachael, comment below, or ask on our Tumblr. Check back next Tuesday to see if your question was answered!

REPLY ALL / Unfriendly Campus, Brotherly Competition, Negging

Once a week, resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will have a glass of whiskey and then answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you’ve got on your mind. There will be GIFS

Full Post here

My college campus has to be by far the least friendliest campus in America. It’s not that big of a deal but I’m the kind of person that’s very friendly and all my old friends moved away or go to different schools. What are some things I can do to meet new people on and off campus? Or should I just be content with seclusion for the rest of college? Haha – Anonymous, Penn State

So your campus is all 
http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/blanche.gif

and you’re all

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m48prhcG8P1r3zat8.gif

The good news is that there’s no way that you’re the only one on campus looking for some chill, friendly humans to hang out with. The bad news is that you’re probably going to have to leave your dorm room to find them. I know what you’re thinking: “But what if I leave the Internet and miss someone trying to explain Google to a rap icon?” Don’t worry, there is plenty of Internet left for DMX to discover.

Here’s what you should do: join something on campus. It can be a club, a co-ed intramural league, or even just a one-time-only charity walk. People are much friendlier when they’re forced to hang out sober and with a common purpose. Grabbing a job is a pretty solid way to make some new pals too. If your personalities don’t immediately click, at least you’ll bond over how much of a dickhead your manager Trent is. Seriously, that guy is the worst.


Here’s a stumper for ya, I go to the same college my older brother graduated from, now every time I go to talk to a girl 9 times out of 10 he has “history” with her. Suggestions? – Brian L, SUNY

Get over it. I know you probably feel like you’re living in his shadow, but you can use this to your advantage. If you’re picking the same colleges and girls, you’re probably pretty similar. So think of him as your Amazon review. “Based on your interested in older brother, you may also enjoy: younger brother with winning personality.” I have seen this work at bars. I mean, my friend has. But I imagine it might work. On my friend. Not me. Haha what?SOMEONE ASK SOMETHING ELSE.

Need advice? You can tweet at @marinarachael, comment below, or ask on our tumblr. Check back next Tuesday to see if your question was answered!