All the Lens Flares from J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek

Blinded by the light. 

8 Technology-Friendly Sex Positions

The future is now.

8 Beer Innovations We’d Actually Use [Click for more]

Now you can double fist and take a piss. 

The Broke-Ass Student Scholarship Contest

Share in our spoils of riches! (What? We don’t have riches? Oh…) Regardless, we want to award lucky students with $5000! You can enter for your chance to win here.

Angry Amazon Reviews of Adorable Dog Costumes [Click for more]

This is all 100% real… especially the misery on their faces. Actually, the cowboy looks fun.

If Your Friends Hated Everything Like They Hate Sports

“I don’t understand why people CARE about literature. Hello? It’s not REAL.”

YouTube’s Comedy Week starts today! 

(Source: ohmygodwaytoolong)

The 10 Most Stupidly Expensive Pieces of Junk on eBay

(Buy it here.)
This “vintage” Sun-Maid package may be a “great original piece of American History,” but something about it just looks a little, I dunno, EXACTLYTHE SAME AS RAISIN CONTAINERS IN 2013. Adding insult to injury, the seller doesn’t answer the most important question of all: are the raisins still inside???? I’m so hungry.

The 10 Most Stupidly Expensive Pieces of Junk on eBay

(Buy it here.)
It’s a good thing the only description whatsoever of this item is that it’s 28cm long, because I really, really don’t want to know what its future buyer is planning on doing with it. No matter what, we can probably say with some confidence that he or she is overpaying. People know you can get porn for free online, right? Fleshlights are like, 70 bucks. Whatever. None of my business.

Mike and Watt Get Free or Die

Trapped in the wash closet. (Previously: “Mike and Watt”)

8 Beer Innovations We’d Actually Use

Over the years, Beer companies have attempted to improve your drinking experience with several half-assed “improvements” to their cans and bottles; and while wide-mouthed cans and cold-activated logos are nice, they don’t exactly scream “CONSUME ME AND ONLY ME FOR THEREST OF YOUR PATHETIC LIFE.” As such, I propose these actual alcoholic innovations to make drinking beer even more fun than it already was.

8 Weirdly Out Of Character Classic Simpsons Jokes

Mr. Burns dances super-adeptly With Marge’s Mom (Lady Bouvier’s Lover – Season 5)

One of the weirdest sequences in early-Simpsons history (excluding out-of-reality moments likeHomer’s amazing photographic memory) comes in the touching Season 5 episode “Lady Bouvier’s Lover”; At one point, when Grandpa is falling for Marge’s mother on the dance floor, Mr. Burns abruptly cuts in and asks Marge’s mom to dance, then proceeds to swing danceextremely adeptly while Grandpa gives him the frowning of a lifetime.

Mr. Burns is an actual leper who’s physically incapable of giving a thumbs-up or using a bowling alley hand-fan without struggling, but then for one moment, he’s a super-capable dancer who wins over Mrs. Bouvier with his dexterity? I call “balderdash” and/or “pish posh.” Keep reading