Finish reading 5 New St. Patrick’s Day Cocktails for Secret Drinking
You might think you can’t have the appropriate amount of alcohol-induced fun when St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Monday, but you’re wrong. Here are some special drink recipes to help you booze the whole day through IN SECRET.
Stop being a sloppy drunk weirdo and start being a sloppy drunk weirdo…with CLASS!
Finish reading The Difference Between Being Drunk And Being CLASSY
Not gonna lie, this one’s literally just flowers in a Mason Jar for $16.
Finish reading Every Cocktail Bar Menu Ever
The Old Fashioned is the quintessential cocktail. Classy, with just the right levels of sweet and bitter notes. And you can make one at home right now!
So you’re at a fancy cocktail bar and you’re trying to read the dimly-lit menu, and you vaguely make out that one drink contains vodka (cool!), ginger (yum!), a splash of something (probably yum!), and two things you’ve never heard of, so you order it on a whim, only to quickly learn that the cocktail is literally a giant, fluorescent strawberry inside another neon strawberry inside a pink glass made out of crushed-together parasols. Whoops!
Don’t panic! Here’s how to SAVE FACE and remain SUPER COOL AND MANLY in front of all your friends (who are all manly construction workers wearing hardhats at all times).
Step 1: Keep Repeating That You Didn’t Know What You Were Ordering Click to keep reading
If you’re able to read this then you’re not drunk enough. What are you doing? Get off the Internet.
7 Presidential Cocktails for Your Fourth of July [Click for more]
You have to drink all 7 or you’re not a true patriot.
7 Presidential Cocktails for Your Fourth of July [Click to get drunker]
Pro-tip: Never mix politics with religion - Leaves a nasty taste in your mouth.
Start buying the ingredients now to make your cocktails because Arrested Development arrives on Netflix at midnight (Pacific Time) 3 AM EST.
Add all these drinks to your Arrested Development party menu.