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Create Your Own Highbrow TV Pilot!
Choose a Setting:
1. The War of 1812
2. Wikipedia’s first office, 2000
3. Sodom and Gomorrah
4. Suburban Minneapolis during the Cold War ’50s
5. A robot factory in the not-too-distance future 
6. The site of the first SARS outbreak, 2003
7. Europa, the sixth moon of Jupiter, in the year 3000
8. Berkeley California, circa 1967 
Choose Your Lead:
1. Bjork, for some reason
2. Patton Oswalt in a surprisingly meatty dramatic role. He can practically smell the Emmy already.
3. Anyone from American Pie
4. Sir Ben Kingsley, pretty much phoning it in
5. A talented person with a perfect face who has somehow never landed a major acting role
6. Dennis Franz, resurrected
7. An increasingly creepy Tilda Swinton 
8. The entire cast of Sideways
Finish reading Create Your Own Highbrow TV Pilot!

Create Your Own Highbrow TV Pilot!

Choose a Setting:

1. The War of 1812

2. Wikipedia’s first office, 2000

3. Sodom and Gomorrah

4. Suburban Minneapolis during the Cold War ’50s

5. A robot factory in the not-too-distance future 

6. The site of the first SARS outbreak, 2003

7. Europa, the sixth moon of Jupiter, in the year 3000

8. Berkeley California, circa 1967 

Choose Your Lead:

1. Bjork, for some reason

2. Patton Oswalt in a surprisingly meatty dramatic role. He can practically smell the Emmy already.

3. Anyone from American Pie

4. Sir Ben Kingsley, pretty much phoning it in

5. A talented person with a perfect face who has somehow never landed a major acting role

6. Dennis Franz, resurrected

7. An increasingly creepy Tilda Swinton 

8. The entire cast of Sideways

Finish reading Create Your Own Highbrow TV Pilot!

6 Things You Literally Can’t Even

1. BECOME PRESIDENT BEFORE AGE 35

image

Legally, I can’t even. Like, if the constitution declared otherwise, then, like, maybe? But with the law being the way it is, I meeeeeean… I can’t. Like, I can’t with this.

2. BREATHE UNDERWATER

Just… no. With gills, sure. Or like scuba gear? Totally. But like, otherwise? I just… can’t. I’m… sorry? Ugh, I can’t. I can’t! I just cannot EVEN.

3. FLY

No, flying in a plane, like yes, but like flying, like LITERALLY flying, like… you can’t, like, you actually can’t even. Due to physics, yeah. Seriously. UGGGH. I can’t with this right now.

4. TIME TRAVEL

No, I KNOW. Like… I KNOW. But, like, I can’t. With time travel…. you can’t EVEN… It’s science, like, I can’t. H.G. Wells, yeah I know, but that was, like, fiction. And, honestly? I can’t.

Finish reading 6 Things You Literally Can’t Even

Stay COOL this summer without spending money or breaking the law kind of!
7 “Legal-ish” Ways to Beat the Heat

Stay COOL this summer without spending money or breaking the law kind of!

7 “Legal-ish” Ways to Beat the Heat

And you thought your internship was bad.

Finish reading The Only 6 Summer Internships That Are Worse Than Yours

It’s twists inside twists inside twists!
Check out The Craziest Russian Soap Opera You’ve Never Seen

It’s twists inside twists inside twists!

Check out The Craziest Russian Soap Opera You’ve Never Seen

1. Every time you see a baby, you hear the soundtrack from The Omen
2. You already spend too much time cleaning up your own vomit.
3. You tried to choke out a kid in the toy aisle for touching your Legos
4. Your silverware drawer only contains sporks and bendy straws.
5. You built a beer can pyramid to hide the hole you accidently kicked in your wall.
6. You have shirts designated as “back-up” toilet paper.
7. You believe duct tape is a reasonable way to deal with a crying child.
8. “Doing laundry” means spraying your clothes with Lysol.
9. You shaved your cat and named him Gollum.
10. Your idea of a healthy diet is eating the mint from a Mojito.
Finish reading 25 Signs That You’re Not Mature Enough To Be a Parent

1. Every time you see a baby, you hear the soundtrack from The Omen

2. You already spend too much time cleaning up your own vomit.

3. You tried to choke out a kid in the toy aisle for touching your Legos

4. Your silverware drawer only contains sporks and bendy straws.

5. You built a beer can pyramid to hide the hole you accidently kicked in your wall.

6. You have shirts designated as “back-up” toilet paper.

7. You believe duct tape is a reasonable way to deal with a crying child.

8. “Doing laundry” means spraying your clothes with Lysol.

9. You shaved your cat and named him Gollum.

10. Your idea of a healthy diet is eating the mint from a Mojito.

Finish reading 25 Signs That You’re Not Mature Enough To Be a Parent

Bring it in, guys. Bring it in.
Brazil’s Post-Game Locker Room Speech

Bring it in, guys. Bring it in.

Brazil’s Post-Game Locker Room Speech

1. Ariel Goes On A Bunch Of Failed Dates With ‘Finance’ Mermen

At the start of The Little Mermaid, 16-year-old Ariel (!!) is already jaded by her underwater surroundings and is desperate to roam the earth with the humans, and instantly falls in love with a Handsome Prince after seeing that he has a dog, a statue of himself, and isn’t a direct asshole in the 4 seconds she’s around him. But why is Ariel so immediately-infatuated with Eric and completely uninterested in her own species?

There’s an answer: The original cut of the film actually included a 15-minute “dating montage” where Ariel reluctantly goes on dates with a series of lame sea dudes, including a ‘Finance Merman’ who spends a the whole dinner explaining shell-trading, a seahorse from Flounder’s intramural softball team (who’s not bad just kinda non-talkative and boring), and a recently-divorced marlin who doesn’t get any of Ariel’s early-80s cultural references.

Next up: 101 Dalmatians - Cruella de Vil Hires Two Goons Who Are Totally Cool With Slaughtering Puppies

Once you see these videos, the songs will never be the same.
Ten Music Videos That Completely Ruined The Song

Once you see these videos, the songs will never be the same.

Ten Music Videos That Completely Ruined The Song

5 Incredible Disney Deleted Scenes That Explain Everything »
You thought female employees of the Hobby Lobby corporation were screwed (and subsequently getting pregnant), didn’t you? Think again! Hobby Lobby has the supplies, arts and crafts to make sure your eggs stay in their basket (aisle 7 has the baskets just for that). 
Hobby Lobby’s 6 New Handmade Contraceptives

You thought female employees of the Hobby Lobby corporation were screwed (and subsequently getting pregnant), didn’t you? Think again! Hobby Lobby has the supplies, arts and crafts to make sure your eggs stay in their basket (aisle 7 has the baskets just for that). 

Hobby Lobby’s 6 New Handmade Contraceptives

Because why not combine the two things you dread the most?

Read the 7 Exercises You Can Do While Pooping In Public

Take that, THE MAN.

Finish reading 10 Diabolical Ways to Stick it to the Man

The Rorschach Test of logos!

Finish reading If Logos Were Extremely Literal

What’s more refreshing than diving into a swimming pool? Diving into alcohol that tastes like a swimming pool.

Finish reading 5 New Cocktails for Summer