“My mother still types with two fingers and needs help turning on her laptop. Despite my misgivings, we bought her an iPad for Christmas. After opening the box and removing the protective cover, she tried to pry apart the iPad’s metallic casing. $600 well spent.”

“The day before everyone left for Thanksgiving Break, our RA told us that we have to clean our rooms before we leave. My roommate decided to leave without even laying one finger on his shit. So like a little bitch, I had to clean up all his crap. But as I was cleaning, I looked by the trash can and saw a huge block of air freshener, it was literally like a 5”x8”. I put the air freshner in his bed, with his sheets over it. When the break was over, I happened to come back one or two hours before he did and I put the air freshener back by the trash can. That night he got in his bed and said “Did they do something to our beds, mine smells really funny.” So now every morning he wakes up smelling like fresh peaches (the break was a full week).”