Loneliness “likes” this.
Honey, I’m afraid it’s time to swipe him to the left.
What Will Definitely Happen When I Go to This Cool Nightclub [Click for full post]
A packed club. Two VERY ATTRACTIVE GIRLS are gathered at the bar, avoiding all ATTRACTIVE, ATHLETIC GUYS.
GIRL 1: Ugh. I’m so sick of dudes thinking they can just like… talk to me because they’re fit and masculine and attractive and in high paying, high power jobs and have really good social skills and are nice and would make good boyfriends and have awesome, thoroughly satisfying sex with me.
GIRL 2: I mean… where are all the guys who got beat up at a Third Eye Blind concert in eighth grade?
GIRL 1: Seriously.
GIRL 2: Or, like, the guys who got called gay in fifth grade for saying “No Strings Attached” by *NSYNC was their favorite album?
GIRL 1: Or the guys with BOTH those things?
GIRL 2: Ha! Yeah. Right. A girl can dream.
GIRL 1: Is that really too much to ask?
GIRL 2: Once again it looks like it is. Oh well, let’s just call it a night and go see if anyone’s tweeted anything about comedy podcasts.
GIRL 1: Sounds like a plan. If we can’t actually FIND the guys of our dreams, at least we can admire them from afar, and then take it from there, sexual fantasy-wise.
WILL enters the club, dropping and then picking up his wallet off the floor after proudly paying the cover charge in EXACT CHANGE. He blocks the entrance for a brief, sexual moment.
GIRL 1: Wait, wait, wait. Twelve o’clock. Um… do you see what I see? Continue
“The other day my boyfriend cuddled up around me saying “My Precious” you like Gollum. Is it weird that I was strangely flattered and also thought it kind of hot.”
“My 21 year old boyfriend apparently had no idea that you’re supposed to masturbate using your hands.. When I asked him how the hell did he pull one off otherwise, he gave me a strange look and answered “I just rub it against my pillow, doesn’t everyone do that?” The awkward part was having to then explain the concept to him, with him continuing to stare at me in disbelief…”
Don’t worry, it’s only ENCOURAGED that you show him your boobs at the end of the night.
What Everyone is Bringing to Your Freshman Hall [Click to continue reading]
CollegeHumor’s Round-Up of Best Tweets: July 16th
(Source: College Humor)