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I Haven’t Read a Book Since… [Click for more]

In “Twidiots”, we collect the choicest thoughts on a particular topic from Twitter’s millions of users.

Excerpts from Walden, of Life in the Woods, with a Dog
A classic of American literature, ruined by man’s best friend.
Chapter 1: Economy 
When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them, I lived alone, in the woods, a mile from any neighbor, in a house which I had built myself, on the shore of Walden Pond, in Concord, Massachusetts, with my dog Scrappy.
Scrappy is a dachshund mix I got from a “breeder” in Lexington. She met me in the back of the Stop and Shop and fished him from a crate of puppies in the backseat. $150 cash. No receipt, no worries. A man is rich in proportion to the number of bullshit things he doesn’t have to worry about.
Chapter 2: Where I Lived and What I Lived For 
To him whose elastic and vigorous thought keeps pace with the sun, the day is a perpetual morning. To be awake is to be alive.
But at 4:30am? Christ, Scrappy. I awaken to the incessant lap of his tongue on his under-parts. Desperate, I resort to earplugs. The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation trying to drown out such sounds.
Chapter 5: Solitude
I have a great deal of company in my house; especially in the morning, when nobody calls. I am no more lonely than the Mill Brook, or a weathercock, or the northstar, or the south wind, or an April shower, or a January thaw, or the first spider in a new house.
Plus I have this fucking dog. Who barks when a cricket scratches its ear - Keep reading

Excerpts from Walden, of Life in the Woods, with a Dog

A classic of American literature, ruined by man’s best friend.

Chapter 1: Economy

When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them, I lived alone, in the woods, a mile from any neighbor, in a house which I had built myself, on the shore of Walden Pond, in Concord, Massachusetts, with my dog Scrappy.

Scrappy is a dachshund mix I got from a “breeder” in Lexington. She met me in the back of the Stop and Shop and fished him from a crate of puppies in the backseat. $150 cash. No receipt, no worries. A man is rich in proportion to the number of bullshit things he doesn’t have to worry about.

Chapter 2: Where I Lived and What I Lived For

To him whose elastic and vigorous thought keeps pace with the sun, the day is a perpetual morning. To be awake is to be alive.

But at 4:30am? Christ, Scrappy. I awaken to the incessant lap of his tongue on his under-parts. Desperate, I resort to earplugs. The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation trying to drown out such sounds.

Chapter 5: Solitude

I have a great deal of company in my house; especially in the morning, when nobody calls. I am no more lonely than the Mill Brook, or a weathercock, or the northstar, or the south wind, or an April shower, or a January thaw, or the first spider in a new house.

Plus I have this fucking dog. Who barks when a cricket scratches its ear - Keep reading

Bleep Bloop: Harry Potter Wonderbook

J.K. Rowling and Playstation team up to fix reading.

Stephen King Looks Really Good These Days
You check out King’s newest novel on his rack. EHHYOOO.

Stephen King Looks Really Good These Days

You check out King’s newest novel on his rack. EHHYOOO.

(Source: funtimeshad.com)

All My Friends Are Dead in Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones: The Abridged Version.

All My Friends Are Dead in Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones: The Abridged Version.

(Source: reddit.com)

TV Shows You Didn’t Know Were Based on Books [Click for select passages]

The books were better. 

Why Do Bad Things Happen? [Click to finish and learn the truth]

Mike and Watt Talk About the Great Gatsby

Easy, old sport. (Previously: Mike and Watt)

If The Great Gatsby Were Narrated By Other Characters [Click for more]

Get a life, Nick. 

How to Write Bestselling Erotic Fiction [Click for all your “How To” tips]
Erotic fiction is all the rage these days — and if you’re anything like me, your first response to this trend is, “No thanks,” and your second is, “But wait — can I cash in on that?!” Well, you are in luck! I am here to tell you that writing high-quality smut is as easy as I heard you were in high school. Tramp.
There are several important guidelines to follow when writing straight-up filthy filth for the masses. Keep these simple points in mind, and in no time at all you’ll be on board the gravy train that is the growing erotic fiction market. Just don’t think about the gravy too much. Let’s get started.

How to Write Bestselling Erotic Fiction [Click for all your “How To” tips]

Erotic fiction is all the rage these days — and if you’re anything like me, your first response to this trend is, “No thanks,” and your second is, “But wait — can I cash in on that?!” Well, you are in luck! I am here to tell you that writing high-quality smut is as easy as I heard you were in high school. Tramp.

There are several important guidelines to follow when writing straight-up filthy filth for the masses. Keep these simple points in mind, and in no time at all you’ll be on board the gravy train that is the growing erotic fiction market. Just don’t think about the gravy too much. Let’s get started.

Everyone Is An Asshole [Click to finish]

It’s a lesson we all learn at some point in life.

"I Read The F*cking BOOKS": The Angriest Game Of Thrones Music Video

Brace yourselves. Nerd Rage is coming.

(Source: youtube.com)

May Be Creepiest Book to Date
Looking forward to the sequel, “Don’t Sit Down in the Parlor, Auntie, Them Fire Pokers Get Frisky.”

May Be Creepiest Book to Date

Looking forward to the sequel, “Don’t Sit Down in the Parlor, Auntie, Them Fire Pokers Get Frisky.”

(Source: reddit.com)

The Little Washtowel That Wasn’t Anthropomorphized [Click for more]

A children’s book for very literal children. 

I Think My Roommate’s Novel Is About Me [Click for more]
The truth is stranger than fiction. And more passive aggressive.

I Think My Roommate’s Novel Is About Me [Click for more]

The truth is stranger than fiction. And more passive aggressive.