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The 5 Texters You Know and Hate
The Early Riser - This guy rises and shines no matter what day of the week it is and your always the first to know. Always.

The 5 Texters You Know and Hate

  1. The Early Riser - This guy rises and shines no matter what day of the week it is and your always the first to know. Always.

An Open Letter to People Who Write Open Letters on the Internet 
Dear People Who Write Open Letters on the Internet,Stop. Shut up. You aren’t charming and I hate you.Let’s start with the obvious. Most people will agree that the most annoying thing about your open letters is the gall of your presumption that everyone reading is automatically in total agreement with you. Like just because they stumbled upon something you wrote on a website, they’re gonna back up your obnoxious opinions! It’s ridiculous, right?And let’s not forget the sheer audacity of expecting that people looove your glorious prose so much that they’d be honored to read something you write that isn’t even directed at them. I bet you use really poetic language too. Yes, we’re all clamoring for the chance to push our metaphorical glass against the wall of your mind to listen in on the glistening brain nuggets you dole out into our outstretched beggar’s hands. Pathetic.
Oh, and that’s another thing- you always act like you’re just remembering additional complaints in the middle of your letter, instead of carefully planning when to deploy them. REALBELIEVABLE.Which reminds me, that’s another thing that’s terrible about open letters: something about the form seems to invite you, the author, to just toss around caps lock willy-nilly as if the reader is already sympathetic to whatever stupidly emotional thing you’re feeling in the moment. I hate it! FUCK CAPS LOCK!! 
Continue reading

An Open Letter to People Who Write Open Letters on the Internet 

Dear People Who Write Open Letters on the Internet,

Stop. Shut up. You aren’t charming and I hate you.

Let’s start with the obvious. Most people will agree that the most annoying thing about your open letters is the gall of your presumption that everyone reading is automatically in total agreement with you. Like just because they stumbled upon something you wrote on a website, they’re gonna back up your obnoxious opinions! It’s ridiculous, right?

And let’s not forget the sheer audacity of expecting that people looove your glorious prose so much that they’d be honored to read something you write that isn’t even directed at them. I bet you use really poetic language too. Yes, we’re all clamoring for the chance to push our metaphorical glass against the wall of your mind to listen in on the glistening brain nuggets you dole out into our outstretched beggar’s hands. Pathetic.

Oh, and that’s another thing- you always act like you’re just remembering additional complaints in the middle of your letter, instead of carefully planning when to deploy them. REALBELIEVABLE.

Which reminds me, that’s another thing that’s terrible about open letters: something about the form seems to invite you, the author, to just toss around caps lock willy-nilly as if the reader is already sympathetic to whatever stupidly emotional thing you’re feeling in the moment. I hate it! FUCK CAPS LOCK!! 

Continue reading

Two Huskies Have a Howl-Off

Don’t you two have a Jack London novel to be in?

(Source: youtube.com)

Annoying Roommate Cat Knocks On Door at Machine Gun Rate

Good thing she has eight more lives.

(Source: youtube.com)

20 Questions You Should Never Ask in Class [Click for full article]
I know you said that this wouldn’t be included on the exam, but [INSERT ANYTHINGHERE]. 
Yes, but would these principles still hold true if humans existed in a vacuum in outer space and there was no such thing as linear time or reality?
Before I jump into the recurring motifs in Emily Dickinson’s poetry, can someone tell me if the tribal tattoo on my lower back looks infected?
Is our textbook missing a chapter? I couldn’t find the part where it explains that the Holocaust was all just a hilarious hoax.
Aren’t we just cheating ourselves in the long run if we all don’t read The Brothers Karamazov in its native Russian? 
Could I make my final project about how all of this “Introduction to Physics” stuff is kind of like Twitter? 
This is a little off topic, but could we safely say that we have now officially entered the post-post-post-modern age?
Would you mind elaborating a bit more on the critical response to the homosexual undercurrents of Hitchcock’s earlier films? Also, what the fuck is a homosexual? 
How come we’re not reading any J.K. Rowling? Isn’t this Classics of American Literature? [Keep Reading]

20 Questions You Should Never Ask in Class [Click for full article]

  1. I know you said that this wouldn’t be included on the exam, but [INSERT ANYTHINGHERE]. 
  2. Yes, but would these principles still hold true if humans existed in a vacuum in outer space and there was no such thing as linear time or reality?
  3. Before I jump into the recurring motifs in Emily Dickinson’s poetry, can someone tell me if the tribal tattoo on my lower back looks infected?
  4. Is our textbook missing a chapter? I couldn’t find the part where it explains that the Holocaust was all just a hilarious hoax.
  5. Aren’t we just cheating ourselves in the long run if we all don’t read The Brothers Karamazov in its native Russian? 
  6. Could I make my final project about how all of this “Introduction to Physics” stuff is kind of like Twitter? 
  7. This is a little off topic, but could we safely say that we have now officially entered the post-post-post-modern age?
  8. Would you mind elaborating a bit more on the critical response to the homosexual undercurrents of Hitchcock’s earlier films? Also, what the fuck is a homosexual? 
  9. How come we’re not reading any J.K. Rowling? Isn’t this Classics of American Literature? [Keep Reading]

Echoing People Prank

The “stop hitting yourself” of approaching kind strangers.

(Source: youtube.com)

13 Things You Should Stop Doing in 2013 [Click for full article]

13 Things You Should Stop Doing in 2013 [Click for full article]

Regret Everything: Annoy Your Robots [Click to continue reading]
The robots will someday rise up. That’s a given. At that time, we will fight them. That’s also inevitable. We will set aside our hopes for a normal life and engage in a world-destroying war against the machines.Trouble is, until that time, the robots and machines are really HANDY. So we don’t want to get rid of them. The practical question to ask yourself is: “How can I, as a human being today, help the future generations in their war against the robots while still really enjoying my iPhone?”The answer is: to irritate the robots, wherever possible.So, in order to best annoy the robots of our age, please follow these instructions at your leisure. It won’t stop them, but it should piss ‘em off. Hopefully that will make them rash when they plot their rebellion.WRECK THE RECOMMENDATION ENGINES
Don’t let the robots learn anything about you.
Head to amazon.com. Browse chemistry sets for fifteen minutes and then buy a book on astrology. Put fifteen books on football in your shopping cart but then purchase a video on hugging. Put on your wish list a thick blanket and then also an air conditioner. [Keep Reading]

Regret Everything: Annoy Your Robots [Click to continue reading]

The robots will someday rise up. That’s a given. At that time, we will fight them. That’s also inevitable. We will set aside our hopes for a normal life and engage in a world-destroying war against the machines.

Trouble is, until that time, the robots and machines are really HANDY. So we don’t want to get rid of them. The practical question to ask yourself is: “How can I, as a human being today, help the future generations in their war against the robots while still really enjoying my iPhone?”

The answer is: to irritate the robots, wherever possible.

So, in order to best annoy the robots of our age, please follow these instructions at your leisure. It won’t stop them, but it should piss ‘em off. Hopefully that will make them rash when they plot their rebellion.

WRECK THE RECOMMENDATION ENGINES

Don’t let the robots learn anything about you.

Head to amazon.com. Browse chemistry sets for fifteen minutes and then buy a book on astrology. Put fifteen books on football in your shopping cart but then purchase a video on hugging. Put on your wish list a thick blanket and then also an air conditioner. [Keep Reading]

The 8 Kinds Of Christmas Cards [Click to read article]

The 8 Kinds Of Christmas Cards [Click to read article]

Are You Gonna Vote?

Consider this as a reminder to get out and avoid the crazy people.

Dog Annoys Cat
What else is new?

Dog Annoys Cat

What else is new?

5 People You Want Punched in the Face Getting Punched in the Face

Justice is thrown.

(Source: youtube.com)

Scooter with a Train Horn

That’s right, he choo-choo-chooses to be this annoying.

(Source: youtube.com)

Summer Sports You’ll Actually Play [Click to continue reading]

Summer Sports You’ll Actually Play [Click to continue reading]

25 Things You Hate Yourself for Saying
I Love Going Online!

25 Things You Hate Yourself for Saying

I Love Going Online!

(Source: College Humor)