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Very Mary-Kate: Presentation 6

Mary-Kate gives a presentation about the Wig Party. You must not have got the invite. It was dress to impress. 

Why Beyonce and Jay-Z Need to Break Up [Click to find out]
It’s so crazy it just might twerk.

Why Beyonce and Jay-Z Need to Break Up [Click to find out]

It’s so crazy it just might twerk.

Why Beyonce and Jay-Z Need to Break Up [Click for more]
In “Regret Everything” comedian Will Hines tells us what thoughts have been gnawing at his brain.
Generally, I’m a moral person. But when it comes to my pop music, my brain shifts fully into evil villain mode. No heartbreak is too horrible for the sake of making my Spotify playlists more terrific! These pop stars are no longer human: they are machines. Machines of sadness that totally get what it means to land a solid pop hook.Given unlimited funds, I would not pursue political power nor lobby to help society. But I would conspire to make Rihanna mad at someone, and then provide ample studio time and a sick rhythm section.My ultimate plan is perhaps too horrible to even write down. But here it is: Continue reading

Why Beyonce and Jay-Z Need to Break Up [Click for more]

In “Regret Everything” comedian Will Hines tells us what thoughts have been gnawing at his brain.

Generally, I’m a moral person. But when it comes to my pop music, my brain shifts fully into evil villain mode. No heartbreak is too horrible for the sake of making my Spotify playlists more terrific! These pop stars are no longer human: they are machines. Machines of sadness that totally get what it means to land a solid pop hook.

Given unlimited funds, I would not pursue political power nor lobby to help society. But I would conspire to make Rihanna mad at someone, and then provide ample studio time and a sick rhythm section.

My ultimate plan is perhaps too horrible to even write down. But here it is: Continue reading

Very Mary-Kate: Conference Call

Mary-Kate needs help with a homework assignment, and enlists the help of everyone she knows.

Very Mary-Kate: Evaluations [Click to watch]

VMK is honest to a fault.

Regret Everything: Bands That Did Their Damn Job [Click to read]
Find out what Neil Diamond, Sugar Ray, Phil Collins, and Matchbox 20 all have in common.

Regret Everything: Bands That Did Their Damn Job [Click to read]

Find out what Neil Diamond, Sugar Ray, Phil Collins, and Matchbox 20 all have in common.

Embarrassing Things vs. Time It Takes to be Funny [Click for more]
This is the craziest job I’ve ever had: For three summers during college I worked for a porn magazine, and what struck me most was that convicts have decent grammar.
Although, that sentence has several exaggerations. The first of which is the phrase “porn magazine.” I did work for a pornographic periodical, but it wasn’t an operation that hired models or took photos. It was a monthly collection of photos of celebrities being naked. That’s a genre of porn magazine and it feels slightly less sleazy because it doesn’t produce more pornography but simply gathers existing stuff and organizes it by starlet. Continue

Embarrassing Things vs. Time It Takes to be Funny [Click for more]

This is the craziest job I’ve ever had: For three summers during college I worked for a porn magazine, and what struck me most was that convicts have decent grammar.

Although, that sentence has several exaggerations. The first of which is the phrase “porn magazine.” I did work for a pornographic periodical, but it wasn’t an operation that hired models or took photos. It was a monthly collection of photos of celebrities being naked. That’s a genre of porn magazine and it feels slightly less sleazy because it doesn’t produce more pornography but simply gathers existing stuff and organizes it by starlet. Continue

45 is the New 15

Being young is so two thousand and late.

(Source: mydadisinaboyband.com)

"A few years ago, New York City added lots of bike lanes in an effort to make the roads more environmentally supportive. Since then I have never ridden in a taxi without the cab driver pointing out that the bike lanes are taking up so much of the road that the world has become completely ruined. Traffic can’t function, the economy will soon collapse, and children no longer know right and wrong. I have been told that bike lanes are the worst thing to happen to this city while being driven by Ground Zero."
For more: Regret Everything — You Hate My Bike

"A few years ago, New York City added lots of bike lanes in an effort to make the roads more environmentally supportive. Since then I have never ridden in a taxi without the cab driver pointing out that the bike lanes are taking up so much of the road that the world has become completely ruined. Traffic can’t function, the economy will soon collapse, and children no longer know right and wrong. I have been told that bike lanes are the worst thing to happen to this city while being driven by Ground Zero."

For more: Regret Everything — You Hate My Bike

“I can’t see a bike without hearing harpsichord music and pining for penny candy. I’m confident if you bike far enough at one shot you will grow a handlebar mustache.”
For more: Regret Everything — You Hate My Bike

I can’t see a bike without hearing harpsichord music and pining for penny candy. I’m confident if you bike far enough at one shot you will grow a handlebar mustache.”

For more: Regret Everything — You Hate My Bike

"Psychedelic mushrooms have taken my friends on what they describe as ‘mental odysseys’ where they are ‘transported to another world.’ I guess my brain doesn’t have the right passport because after scarfing a generous handful of them the only side effect I noticed was at night I will have pronounced dreams about rectangles. Friendly ones.”
For more, check out Regret Everything: I Am Bad At Drugs.

"Psychedelic mushrooms have taken my friends on what they describe as ‘mental odysseys’ where they are ‘transported to another world.’ I guess my brain doesn’t have the right passport because after scarfing a generous handful of them the only side effect I noticed was at night I will have pronounced dreams about rectangles. Friendly ones.

For more, check out Regret Everything: I Am Bad At Drugs.

Regret Everything: I’m Bad At Drugs [Click for article]

Comedian Will Hines puts those dirty hippies to shame (because they wouldn’t get to see Three’s Company till ‘77).

Regret Everything: Friends Won’t Let Friends Eat Different [Click for full post]
I was vegan for two weeks. It was impulsive: I’d read Gandhi’s autobiography, felt guilty that I never did anything moral with my life, and decided I would try to not eat animal products. It didn’t last long because when it comes to food I have the willpower of a German Shepherd who was given thumbs and a credit card.
What struck me in that brief time was how much crap my friends gave me for eating vegan. I think the standard joke is that vegans can’t stop telling everyone they’re vegan — but I found the opposite to be true: meat eaters get freaked out at the idea of someone not eating meat and lobby hard for them to join back in. And in fact, people will in general criticize and argue with each other about food strategies more than most other life decisions. [Keep Reading]

Regret Everything: Friends Won’t Let Friends Eat Different [Click for full post]

I was vegan for two weeks. It was impulsive: I’d read Gandhi’s autobiography, felt guilty that I never did anything moral with my life, and decided I would try to not eat animal products. It didn’t last long because when it comes to food I have the willpower of a German Shepherd who was given thumbs and a credit card.

What struck me in that brief time was how much crap my friends gave me for eating vegan. I think the standard joke is that vegans can’t stop telling everyone they’re vegan — but I found the opposite to be true: meat eaters get freaked out at the idea of someone not eating meat and lobby hard for them to join back in. And in fact, people will in general criticize and argue with each other about food strategies more than most other life decisions. [Keep Reading]

Will Hines regrets everything, and these are his humbly planned Oscar daydreams.
Everyone daydreams about winning an Academy Award, and you can tell a lot about a person from the particular daydream he or she has. Me? I picture myself winning the award for Best Adapted Screenplay. It feels too arrogant to imagine winning Best Actor or Best Picture. Best Adapted Screenplay seems like a reasonable level of success to shoot for, even in fantasy. And I prefer being seen as a writer more than an actor. It seems smarter. I even prefer the idea of winning “adapted” instead of original since it feels more humble to serve an existing work. Mind you, I often confuse “humble” with “unconfident.” [Keep Reading]

Will Hines regrets everything, and these are his humbly planned Oscar daydreams.

Everyone daydreams about winning an Academy Award, and you can tell a lot about a person from the particular daydream he or she has. 

Me? I picture myself winning the award for Best Adapted Screenplay. 

It feels too arrogant to imagine winning Best Actor or Best Picture. Best Adapted Screenplay seems like a reasonable level of success to shoot for, even in fantasy. And I prefer being seen as a writer more than an actor. It seems smarter. I even prefer the idea of winning “adapted” instead of original since it feels more humble to serve an existing work. Mind you, I often confuse “humble” with “unconfident.” [Keep Reading]