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13 Hilarious Notes Written To Thieving Assholes

If you’ve ever had something stolen, then you know how rage inducing it can be. I had my bike stolen from my front yard as a kid, and while I’d like to say that I tracked the criminal down and justice was served, that didn’t happen. I just ended up riding my sister’s old bike ( it was purple and covered in Disney princess stickers) for the rest of the summer. 

I can’t say if these people got their stuff back, but they did call attention to the thief’s jerk behavior, and the message is clear: quit stealing shit, assholes.  

Difference Between a White Guy and Black Guy Breaking into a Car in LA

We’ll give you a hint: one is racist!

(Source: youtube.com)

Adorable Otter Steals a Present For You
Robin Hood got a lot cuter.

Adorable Otter Steals a Present For You

Robin Hood got a lot cuter.

(Source: reddit.com)

Last night’s party was CRAAAAZAYYY - no one peed on my bed OR stole my Foreman Grill! 

See the LAST 2 Reasons Why Parties Are Way Better AFTER College [Click to finish]

The Best Home Security System
Is redirecting the thieves one house over.

The Best Home Security System

Is redirecting the thieves one house over.

CollegeHumor's Favorite Funny Videos

Jake and Amir: iPhone Case

You don’t know jacking.

Roommate Confessions: You Break My Snowboard, I Break You [Click for all]
Dearest Nik – remember our fun winter rooming together in that posh 2br/2ba apt? Well, I knew you were stealing my hard-earned cash out of my stashbox, using my make-up (thanks for the pink eye!), and throwing parties was I was working overnights and letting people sleep in my bed while I was gone for weekends. I also know you were the one who ‘took’ my ‘missing’ bank envelope with my $400 dollars I was going to buy a new snowboard bindings with. Just to let you know – I’m the one who broke out your tail light that night you were shitty drunk at the bar and got pulled over for it and ended up in jail, when you called, sobbing for me to come post your bail so you wouldn’t lose your job, I did have the $1500 bond, I just really didn’t feel like driving across town. Remember the many, many times you’d shut the dryer off and leave all my work clothes sopping wet, so I would be late for work? Well, I started peeing in your detergent, spitting in your foundation and letting my guy friends take your underwear. I also know you borrowed my $900 snowboard; it came back gouged the hell out of the bottom and sides, causing it to de-laminate and be ruined. Luckily for you, I WORKED AT THE SKIRESORT YOU WENT TO DUMBASS and I saw you with it that day, letting your tool boyfriend grind rails with it. Ever wonder what happened to your iPod, which I convinced you got stolen from your purse on one of your drinking binges? I pawned it. You still owe me…hm, around $1200, by the way bitch; and get a fucking job instead of stealing my money!- Anonymous 
If you think you can top this then submit your sins to our inbox and you could be featured in the next issue.

Roommate Confessions: You Break My Snowboard, I Break You [Click for all]

Dearest Nik – remember our fun winter rooming together in that posh 2br/2ba apt? Well, I knew you were stealing my hard-earned cash out of my stashbox, using my make-up (thanks for the pink eye!), and throwing parties was I was working overnights and letting people sleep in my bed while I was gone for weekends. I also know you were the one who ‘took’ my ‘missing’ bank envelope with my $400 dollars I was going to buy a new snowboard bindings with. Just to let you know – I’m the one who broke out your tail light that night you were shitty drunk at the bar and got pulled over for it and ended up in jail, when you called, sobbing for me to come post your bail so you wouldn’t lose your job, I did have the $1500 bond, I just really didn’t feel like driving across town. Remember the many, many times you’d shut the dryer off and leave all my work clothes sopping wet, so I would be late for work? Well, I started peeing in your detergent, spitting in your foundation and letting my guy friends take your underwear. I also know you borrowed my $900 snowboard; it came back gouged the hell out of the bottom and sides, causing it to de-laminate and be ruined. Luckily for you, I WORKED AT THE SKIRESORT YOU WENT TO DUMBASS and I saw you with it that day, letting your tool boyfriend grind rails with it. Ever wonder what happened to your iPod, which I convinced you got stolen from your purse on one of your drinking binges? I pawned it. You still owe me…hm, around $1200, by the way bitch; and get a fucking job instead of stealing my money!
- Anonymous 

If you think you can top this then submit your sins to our inbox and you could be featured in the next issue.

Guy Steals Sub Sandwich By Putting it in His Pants, Thinks He’s Smooth
Is that a sandwich in your pants or are you just a kleptomaniac?

Guy Steals Sub Sandwich By Putting it in His Pants, Thinks He’s Smooth

Is that a sandwich in your pants or are you just a kleptomaniac?

(Source: reddit.com)

Purse Thief Smashes Through Glass Door [Click to animate]
A clean, recently windexed getaway.

Purse Thief Smashes Through Glass Door [Click to animate]

A clean, recently windexed getaway.

(Source: 4gifs)

Don’t Leave Your Stuff at the Coffee Shop with This Guy
"Dude sitting next to me just bounced to the restroom and left his whole Apple suite straight splayed out on this reclaimed. Noice."
Guess the lesson here is to never trust strangers.
Craigslist

Don’t Leave Your Stuff at the Coffee Shop with This Guy

"Dude sitting next to me just bounced to the restroom and left his whole Apple suite straight splayed out on this reclaimed. Noice."

Guess the lesson here is to never trust strangers.

Craigslist

Watch My Stuff Prank

If you watch this, you are also complicit in theft and will be prosecuted as such. Just FYI.

(Source: youtube.com)

Guy Almost Gets Away With Stealing Guitar
His guitar hiding is like his guitar playing: a tight jam.

Guy Almost Gets Away With Stealing Guitar

His guitar hiding is like his guitar playing: a tight jam.

(Source: reddit.com)

Popsicle Stick Jokes are a Lie 
Good thing they bring the lulz though. 

Popsicle Stick Jokes are a Lie

Good thing they bring the lulz though. 

(Source: reddit.com)

Us? Steal a Boat? 
But we’re bears! Seriously, scram.

Us? Steal a Boat? 

But we’re bears! Seriously, scram.

(Source: awareofthebear)

CollegeHumor's Favorite Funny Videos

Nun Caught on Camera Stealing Booze

Apparently, it’s cheaper to use Natty Light instead of holy water.

(Source: youtube.com)