The best thing about cartoon prostitutes is that they only accept fake money.
The sex will be so much more rewarding if you survive this.
Watch —> Dangerous Condom Applicator
Freshman-O-Vision - Things look a little different when you’re a freshman
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For Bruce Banner, there’s no such thing as safe sex.
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Finish reading 9 Numbers That Are Even Sexier than 69
We’ve all grown up giggling about the secret definition of the number 69, but have you ever wondered about the naughty nature of other numbers? Well, we have. A lot. Too much. So to make our obsession less weird, we decided to publish this list of all the other known sex numbers. Enjoy it, ya pervs!
Interior: Giant Shower With Unfrosted Glass On All Four Sides Somehow.ANASTASIA STEELE, a busty half-Asian Student / Journalist / Cop-Scientist is showering for five and a half minutes while the Opening Credits Roll. Royalty-free cool-Jazz background music is playing, indicating that something SEXY is happening in 1997 or you’re in the bathroom at a W Hotel.
ANASTASIA towels herself off and exits the bathroom. Her roommate KATE, a petite but busty blond 36-year-old college student is laying on her bed in a tight yellow cocktail dress, masturbating. KATE is startled.
Hey there Kate. I see you’re having fun.
What can I say, Ana, ever since I started dating Mike, I’m just too hot and bothered all the time, I just want everyone. And I mean… everyone.
KATE lovingly caresses ANA’s towel.
Lucky you. Ever since Dave and I broke up, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever get touched again. Except by you, haha.
Fuck Dave. He was a shit.
ANA playfully pushes KATE’S hand away and they both laugh, then lock eyes. They caress their faces together. The mood turns erotic.
Before we do this, I have to tell you — I’ve only been with another woman one other time today.
Finish reading If “50 Shades Of Grey” Were A Cinemax Movie
Finish reading If Porn Had a Director’s Commentary
- At the load screen, tap the K Star six times in a row to skip right to being spotted by a Big Hollywood Agent who wants to make you a Big Hollywood Super Star.
- At the character select screen, swipe down, then left, then left again to gain 5000 Social Media points and a write-up on a some blog calling you an “Instagram Celeb.”
- Tap the Hollywood sign twelve times to up your Star Rating by fucking a photographer at the Torque premiere.
- When talking to the VALET PARKING GUY outside Kim’s perfume launch party, TIP TRIPLE to get four free Speedballs and an exclusive invite to McG’s forty-fifth at his Venice fuckpad.
- When Jake (the Journalist) asks you out, instead of tapping “Sure!” or “Let’s just be friends”, scroll left, then right, then left, then right, then up, then down to gain 100 Love Points and instead get martinis with Chez, a guy who “did some consulting on SAW VI” and “can definitely get you your own reality show, hundo percent.”
BONUS: To up your Star Rating, sign whatever he hands you. That way you can skip all the hard shit.
- When out shopping with Kim, shoplift. It saves Money and increases your Style Points. Plus, whatever, it’ll be fine.
Finish reading Cheat Codes for the Kim Kardashian iPhone Game
Here are five uncomfortable examples of chemistry between two actors that clearly was NOT meant to be part of the plot:
5. The Hunger Games: Katniss and Cinna
I guess I’ll wipe my dick off now…
(Source: College Humor)
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Each video features a ‘donate’ button so that you can help your favorite actors escape from their sordid life of digital deviancy.
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