Condoms in the Valentine’s section at CVS. They get it.
“The other day my boyfriend cuddled up around me saying “My Precious” you like Gollum. Is it weird that I was strangely flattered and also thought it kind of hot.”
“My boyfriend of two+ years calls me random nick-names all the time, lately it’s been “Coonster”, because the dark circles I had under my eyes one day reminded him of a raccoon. Awesome.”
“My girlfriend is amazing. She’s a tiny blonde who was a gymnast for 12 years. The only problem is we’re doing the long distance thing. At school I started playing a lot of Magic and managed to keep it hidden from her for 4 or 5 months because I thought it was way too nerdy for her to know. She found out and asked me to teach her how to play a few times and when I asked her why she wanted to learn she said “Because I don’t want you to think Im not cool.” BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER!”
“My boyfriend does this thing where he tickles my lady bits and makes gobble noises like a turkey. I don’t know why he does it but he finds it hilarious. I never know whether to be embarrassed or turned on when he does it……”
Rough Love - Can’t look at turkeys the same anymore
“Every time I yawn around my girlfriend, she would have the idea of just poking me in the stomach and, thus, totally interrupting the satisfaction I try to get from a natural yawn and she has done this since the beginning of our relationship. Fast forward to 5 months later - Now every time I yawn around her, she doesn’t have to poke me anymore… because I developed the habit of flinching in fear of her poking me which, ironically, interrupts my own yawns.”
“Every once in awhile when my girlfriend is feeling down, I’ll pretend that one of my hands is actually a charming, French-speaking puppet that wants to woo her away from me. That’s not the weird part, though- the weird part is that afterwards, she’ll ask me why “You never say nice things to me like HE does.”
“For some reason that I have yet to understand, my girlfriend finds it sexy whenever I cough.”
Rough Love - Wait… wha?
She may just find comfort in your pain. It’s a healthy part of any relationship.
“This girl I was dating would always complain about not being able to sleep well at night and would never feel good. I was a little concerned at first until I found out she doesn’t eat meat, fruit, vegetables, or bread. She survives on candy, coffee, beans, peanut butter, and vitamins everyday. I guess that explains the 42 cavities she’s had.”
“So today after classes I tried to give my boyfriend a good luck kiss, because he had a wrestling meet later that day, and unfortunately I couldn’t stay. He stopped me before I could kiss him and told me that he can’t, and I looked at him, puzzled. He then proceeds to explain to me how he can’t kiss “at least 24 hours before a wrestling meet because it lowers a guy’s testosterone levels”, which made me even more confused…. I asked him who told told him this, and he said his coach…. My boyfriend would rather listen to his coach then me.”
“I wear contacts and when its cold out my eyes tear up A LOT. Last winter I was walking to work in 10 degree weather and had tears pouring out of my eyes. When I got to work my co worker ran up and hugged me and said “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you the second I found out, he was such an asshole, you were way to good for a dirt bag like that” Turns out my bf was cheating on me for 3 months and she though I was crying over him. Thanks to my weepy eyes I got out of a shitty relationship”
“When my girlfriend is over and I’m playing COD, she says that if I’m first place in the game I’ll get a blowjob. I’m getting pretty damn good at that game.”
“I’ve ‘accidentally’ stolen all of my boyfriends pj pants. To punish me, he took my heart covered pj’s and wore them all New Year’s Day. I was stuck at his house for the day, freezing, in a pair of his boxers. Well played.”
“I was over at my boyfriend’s place one day when we decided to hang out in his room and have some fun. After a while his mom decided to make sure we weren’t misbehaving so she came up and walked in on us… building space ships out of Lego.”
“When my fiance begins her period, she informs me by walking past me and casually saying, “It’s like a crime scene in my pants.” Every time.”