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Roommate Confessions: Dennis Quaid Is Calling You
I’m the one who changed all your contacts to “Dennis Quaid”.- Anonymous 
I live on my own, and go home on weekends, so this is really all I have to confess. Hey mom, that wasn’t ice cream that made the keyboard stick.- Anonymous 
One day while complaining to my best friend about my roommate I accidentally texted my roommate and not my friend. Oops! Fortunately she was asleep at the time and I thought oh I will just grab her phone and delete it. Well it was password protected. So in order to not face a crazy bitch fest I broke her phone. It look like it fell but I actually smashed it with a hammer. Listening to her complain about the phone she broke was better than starting a fight and I let a little frustration out in the process.- Anonymous 
Dennis Quaid accepts all Roommate Confession submissions on Tumblr so send them on over. 

Roommate Confessions: Dennis Quaid Is Calling You

I’m the one who changed all your contacts to “Dennis Quaid”.
- Anonymous 

I live on my own, and go home on weekends, so this is really all I have to confess. Hey mom, that wasn’t ice cream that made the keyboard stick.
- Anonymous 

One day while complaining to my best friend about my roommate I accidentally texted my roommate and not my friend. Oops! Fortunately she was asleep at the time and I thought oh I will just grab her phone and delete it. Well it was password protected. So in order to not face a crazy bitch fest I broke her phone. It look like it fell but I actually smashed it with a hammer. Listening to her complain about the phone she broke was better than starting a fight and I let a little frustration out in the process.
- Anonymous 

Dennis Quaid accepts all Roommate Confession submissions on Tumblr so send them on over. 

Refrigerator Batman
He’s the hero that kitchen deserves, but not the one his roommates want right now.

Refrigerator Batman

He’s the hero that kitchen deserves, but not the one his roommates want right now.

(Source: reddit.com)

Roommate Confessions: Your Dog Licked My Balls [Click for more]
Hey! You were always a great roomate but your dog was a piece of shit. It shed everywhere and chewed up my nintendo 64 and Xbox and you didn’t do a damn thing about it. Your dog also loves to lick things, especially your face. So to get you back I spread peanut butter all over my balls and let your dog lick it off. It felt good. You came home shortly after and your dog gave you a big wet kiss. I hope my balls taste good!- Anonymous 
Well that was incredibly disturbing. If you have any non-peanut butter related confessions (Jelly will do) then submit them straight to our Tumblr. We read everything.

Roommate Confessions: Your Dog Licked My Balls [Click for more]

Hey! You were always a great roomate but your dog was a piece of shit. It shed everywhere and chewed up my nintendo 64 and Xbox and you didn’t do a damn thing about it. Your dog also loves to lick things, especially your face. So to get you back I spread peanut butter all over my balls and let your dog lick it off. It felt good. You came home shortly after and your dog gave you a big wet kiss. I hope my balls taste good!
- Anonymous 

Well that was incredibly disturbing. If you have any non-peanut butter related confessions (Jelly will do) then submit them straight to our Tumblr. We read everything.

I stare at my roommate while she sleeps. I like to guess what she is dreaming about by the way she is breathing. In fact I’m watching her right now……shallow exhales. Narwhal mating.

image

Roommate Confessions: I Spit on My Family’s Food [Click for more]
Every time my family pisses me off, (since i make most of their food) i usually spit a giant loogie in it. And evil smile proceeds >:3- i-fuck-ligers
So I had a guy over in our room late one night after I had been drinking with some friends. The guy and I played truth or dare, and I dared him to put on a pair of your underwear. Well he totally did it then put the underwear back in your drawer, so you would have never suspected anything. Ha ha, bitch.- Rachel
Spit it out already and tell us your ‘Roommate Confessions’ right here right now.

Roommate Confessions: I Spit on My Family’s Food [Click for more]

Every time my family pisses me off, (since i make most of their food) i usually spit a giant loogie in it. And evil smile proceeds >:3
- i-fuck-ligers

So I had a guy over in our room late one night after I had been drinking with some friends. The guy and I played truth or dare, and I dared him to put on a pair of your underwear. Well he totally did it then put the underwear back in your drawer, so you would have never suspected anything. Ha ha, bitch.
- Rachel

Spit it out already and tell us your ‘Roommate Confessions’ right here right now.

Womb Mates
And before they were Womb Mates? Ballsack Bros.

Womb Mates

And before they were Womb Mates? Ballsack Bros.

(Source: browncardigan.com)

Things You Wish You Could Say to Your Roommate [Click for more]

It’s like, STOP EXISTING or something!

Things You Wish You Could Say to Your Roommate

If you could be completely honest with your roommate, you’d be the worst.

Roommate Confessions: Your Protein Shake Had a Special Ingredient [Click for full post]
Remember when i had all those protein shakes in my cabinet, and you were really drunk and wanted me to make you a protein shake. Well since i took care of your clumsiness all night, i took out my dog, and mixed his shit with the chocolate powder, and when you complained how bad it tasted i would just say thats how it tastes like sinces it has more protein. yeah what now- Anonymous
Hey do you remember that time you blacked out and woke up the next morning thinking that you pissed and shit your bed? The reality is that I pissed and shit your bed then placed you upon it. Maybe you’ll think twice next time when you leave your drawers open and wear my sandals into the shower. BEOTCH.- Anonymous
Confess your appalling behaviors to us right here on Tumblr.

Roommate Confessions: Your Protein Shake Had a Special Ingredient [Click for full post]

Remember when i had all those protein shakes in my cabinet, and you were really drunk and wanted me to make you a protein shake. Well since i took care of your clumsiness all night, i took out my dog, and mixed his shit with the chocolate powder, and when you complained how bad it tasted i would just say thats how it tastes like sinces it has more protein. yeah what now
- Anonymous


Hey do you remember that time you blacked out and woke up the next morning thinking that you pissed and shit your bed? The reality is that I pissed and shit your bed then placed you upon it. Maybe you’ll think twice next time when you leave your drawers open and wear my sandals into the shower. BEOTCH.
- Anonymous

Confess your appalling behaviors to us right here on Tumblr.

Roommate Was Murdered Craigslist Prank

A not-so-casual encounter.

(Source: youtube.com)

Roommate Confessions: Switcherooski

It was funny for me to watch you desperately try to remove your nail polish when I replaced your nail polish remover with eye makeup remover. I did sort of feel bad when you tried to take off your eye makeup with the nail polish remover. Thank god you didn’t lose your sight like the doctor suggested. Then I would have felt almost bad.
- Anonymous 

You can confess your own stories right here on Tumblr. Keep them coming. 

Roommate Confessions: Superglued Her Door Shut [Click for all]
Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate. 
Your bed has gone through a lot while you were gone. I puked on it, farted on it, and dried my dishes on it. Is that not ok?- nihil-ex-nihil0 
i hated my old housemates, they hated me. I had to move out so they wouldnt beat me up and i was homeless. I pissed on everybody tooth brush EVERY day and replaced facewash with piss. Sucked in dickheads!- gotdatattitude 
My roommate had a really nice razor that she used for her upper lip. When she pissed me off I used to use it to shave my pubes.- deannamarie1990 
You can submit your own “Roommate Confessions” like these lovely people did straight to our Tumblr. 

Roommate Confessions: Superglued Her Door Shut [Click for all]

Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate. 

Your bed has gone through a lot while you were gone. I puked on it, farted on it, and dried my dishes on it. Is that not ok?
nihil-ex-nihil0 

i hated my old housemates, they hated me. I had to move out so they wouldnt beat me up and i was homeless. I pissed on everybody tooth brush EVERY day and replaced facewash with piss. Sucked in dickheads!
gotdatattitude 

My roommate had a really nice razor that she used for her upper lip. When she pissed me off I used to use it to shave my pubes.
deannamarie1990 

You can submit your own “Roommate Confessions” like these lovely people did straight to our Tumblr

If Congress Got Stuff Done Like Roommates [Click for full thread]
Please reply all. 

If Congress Got Stuff Done Like Roommates [Click for full thread]

Please reply all. 

I Got My Roommate Kicked Out of His Church
I used to teach self defense classes at a local church in my area. Someone else who works there are a fitness instructor who also attends church there asked if I wanted to split an apartment together. I was like of course that sounds like a great idea to me. I was under the assumption that since he spends so much time at church that he leads a somewhat moral filled life. Worst assumption of my life. First thing is first, I am a college student and I spend what precious moments of my life that i am not working or studying relaxing. His idea of relaxing is constantly throwing parties at our apartment without my permission or even so much as telling me. He smokes pot, drinks heavily, and eats everything in the fridge. I could somewhat deal with that part of living with him but after a month of living with him he started bringing his friends around. Every time they came over my things would go missing. Keep in mind these are people that he goes to church with. So I got an additional lock for my door to keep this from happening again. My breaking point was when I came home early from work one day to find he had kicked in my door and they were raiding my room for shit to sell for drugs. We were coming up on the end of our lease and I had found a new job so I decided to get him back. I tried to talk to the pastor at his church about it but he would not do anything about it. Whenever he had parties at our house I would take pictures of all of the horrible things he would do. Keg stands, bong rips, all of the things that you should not be doing as a church goer. I uploaded all of the pictures to Facebook and tagged him as well as various members of the church in the picture album. Not only was he fired but he was asked to leave the church. On top of that his father refused to pay anymore rent for him until he went through a Christian drug rehab as well as stopped paying his car payments. Moral of the story being, not even in a church will you find a good roommate.- ittakesraintogrow 
Presenting our first “Roommate Confession” that was Tumblr submitted. If you have a sinful story then send it straight to our Tumblr.

I Got My Roommate Kicked Out of His Church

I used to teach self defense classes at a local church in my area. Someone else who works there are a fitness instructor who also attends church there asked if I wanted to split an apartment together. I was like of course that sounds like a great idea to me. I was under the assumption that since he spends so much time at church that he leads a somewhat moral filled life. Worst assumption of my life. First thing is first, I am a college student and I spend what precious moments of my life that i am not working or studying relaxing. His idea of relaxing is constantly throwing parties at our apartment without my permission or even so much as telling me. He smokes pot, drinks heavily, and eats everything in the fridge. I could somewhat deal with that part of living with him but after a month of living with him he started bringing his friends around. Every time they came over my things would go missing. Keep in mind these are people that he goes to church with. So I got an additional lock for my door to keep this from happening again. My breaking point was when I came home early from work one day to find he had kicked in my door and they were raiding my room for shit to sell for drugs. We were coming up on the end of our lease and I had found a new job so I decided to get him back. I tried to talk to the pastor at his church about it but he would not do anything about it. Whenever he had parties at our house I would take pictures of all of the horrible things he would do. Keg stands, bong rips, all of the things that you should not be doing as a church goer. I uploaded all of the pictures to Facebook and tagged him as well as various members of the church in the picture album. Not only was he fired but he was asked to leave the church. On top of that his father refused to pay anymore rent for him until he went through a Christian drug rehab as well as stopped paying his car payments. Moral of the story being, not even in a church will you find a good roommate.
ittakesraintogrow 

Presenting our first “Roommate Confession” that was Tumblr submitted. If you have a sinful story then send it straight to our Tumblr.

Don’t Ever Live With Someone From Work
My roommate is so messy it’s disgusting. Weird smells come out of her room…I can’t even describe it, its like BO and sweaty gym socks and god only knows. There are crumbs all over our kitchen constantly no matter how much I clean it. I had to put out ant traps cuz I’m sure we will get ants sooner or later. She is always dropping things into the little metal things under the coils of the stove and never cleans it out after! Hello?? That stuff is gonna just burn later….when I’m cooking…. She has never once cleaned a thing in our apartment…ever. But I repay her for that because after I clean the bathroom I dry off all the surfaces with her face towel and then hang it back on the hook so she will use it to dry her face the next morning. I also put a few drops of pickle juice in her half gone gallon of milk so she thought it spoiled and threw it out….and I’ve done this a few times…love seeing her waste money. On an unrelated note….she contributed next to nothing to our apartment. Well that’s gonna bite her in the ass when I tell her I’m not renewing our lease and then she will be stuck with an apartment with nothing in it except her bed, a couch, and a frying pan. Whoops, guess she just won’t have a roommate but will be stuck here for her job ….or she can go back home and live with her parents. HA! Oh yea, and bitch has GOT to learn to chew with her mouth closed. No one wants to see half-eaten food rolling around in your mouth. DISGUSTING! Not to mention this girl is perpetually single. She has a gross face with no chin (how weird is that?). Not sure if she has ever dated anyone but she is so socially awkward I wouldn’t be surprised if she is 24 and still a virgin. I wish I could say all this to her face, or just be a complete bitch to her…but we work together…so I am forced to be courteous and nice. Lesson learned here: don’t ever live with someone you only know from work…chances are they are going to be a horrible roommate. Worst. Decision. Ever. - Corie 
If you have a story like Corie (that rhymes) then submit yours straight to our Tumblr (that doesn’t) 

Don’t Ever Live With Someone From Work

My roommate is so messy it’s disgusting. Weird smells come out of her room…I can’t even describe it, its like BO and sweaty gym socks and god only knows. There are crumbs all over our kitchen constantly no matter how much I clean it. I had to put out ant traps cuz I’m sure we will get ants sooner or later. She is always dropping things into the little metal things under the coils of the stove and never cleans it out after! Hello?? That stuff is gonna just burn later….when I’m cooking…. She has never once cleaned a thing in our apartment…ever. But I repay her for that because after I clean the bathroom I dry off all the surfaces with her face towel and then hang it back on the hook so she will use it to dry her face the next morning. I also put a few drops of pickle juice in her half gone gallon of milk so she thought it spoiled and threw it out….and I’ve done this a few times…love seeing her waste money. On an unrelated note….she contributed next to nothing to our apartment. Well that’s gonna bite her in the ass when I tell her I’m not renewing our lease and then she will be stuck with an apartment with nothing in it except her bed, a couch, and a frying pan. Whoops, guess she just won’t have a roommate but will be stuck here for her job ….or she can go back home and live with her parents. HA! Oh yea, and bitch has GOT to learn to chew with her mouth closed. No one wants to see half-eaten food rolling around in your mouth. DISGUSTING! Not to mention this girl is perpetually single. She has a gross face with no chin (how weird is that?). Not sure if she has ever dated anyone but she is so socially awkward I wouldn’t be surprised if she is 24 and still a virgin. I wish I could say all this to her face, or just be a complete bitch to her…but we work together…so I am forced to be courteous and nice. Lesson learned here: don’t ever live with someone you only know from work…chances are they are going to be a horrible roommate. Worst. Decision. Ever. - Corie 

If you have a story like Corie (that rhymes) then submit yours straight to our Tumblr (that doesn’t)