"Hey man! TOTALLY not a big deal but ahhhhh…..’
And now, a moment of silence for the death of a perfectly good pizza.
1. MIX IT UP
Even the greatest roommate sex-overhearing relationships can get tired. So mix it up once in a while: When you lean against your wall to hear your roommates’ grunts and moans better, try leaning in a new position!
2. INCORPORATE FOOD
Chocolate sauce or mango slices can be a great way to reinvigorate your senses while you eavesdrop. Or try alternating sips of ice water and hot water while you listen to your roommates intimately pleasure each other.
3. TAKE IT SLOW
Light some candles, make a playlist, and make a night of it. Tease yourself, slowly getting closer and closer to your roommates’ door until you feel like you’re going to explode. (But make sure you’re still far enough away that if they came out of the room, you wouldn’t seem creepy.)
He’s rich, he lifts, AND he knows Pete Carroll??!!? TRIPLE THREAT ALERT.
Oh, baby, that’s the spot. On the other side of that wall.
5 HOT New Ways to Spice Up How You Listen to Your Roommates Have Sex [Click to start reading]
Click to see more: 11 Terrible Roommates You’re Lucky Not to Live With
Living with other people is always hard. It’s especially hard when the other person is crazy. Here’s 11 pictures showing the challenges of living with roommates, ranging from harmless pranks to pure insanity.
(Source: College Humor)
If Congress Got Stuff Done Like Roommates [Click for full email]
Read 3 MORE Facebook Messages You’ll Get (and Send) [Click it or ticket]
Roommate Confessions: I Peed in Your Laundry Detergent [Click for full post]
I peed in your laundry detergent. - Anonymous
Remember when you used to borrow all my clothes without asking? I’d either find them crumpled up in your disgusting nest of a room or back in my closet and smelling like your pungent perfume. Oh and that time when I asked you about my favorite sweater that mysteriously went missing during spring break while you were here after we all left? Well I saw it in your bag you douche canoe, I know you have it. And for that, I have been stealing your adderall. Sorry the price went up and you cant afford it anymore and are sucking in school right now. But I cant afford to constantly restock my wardrobe you fucking bitch. And thanks for never cleaning, buying food, and watching terrible tv. Expect some rotten food under your bed. I hate you. - Anonymous
I replaced my roommates bar of soap with a block of cheese. He didn’t notice and the cheese smell was still better than how he usually smells - Anonymous
7 Ways To Instantly Tell If Your New Roommate’s A Giant Slob [Click to finish]
Can’t tell if he’s avoiding the dishes or if he really DOES prefer eating cereal out of a champagne flute with a mechanical pencil?
I really appreciated that you got me a birthday present- A pedegg. Now, not only do my feet look great, but I put the shavings into your Parmesan cheese. I know how much you love to dump that stuff on your pasta, you fat whore.
Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate. Submit your vulgar, disgusting stories straight to our Tumblr inbox.
(Source: College Humor)
You were never really around a whole lot, but I always thought you were kind of a prick. I suppose I didn’t have any really reason to, but when you would be gone for a week at a time boning your high-school girlfriend, I would pee in the sink beside your bed 5 or 6 times a night. I once jerked off into it because I was too lazy to look for an old rag. I farted all over your bed, used your razor, stole all your porn, and constantly pocketed change from your desk drawers. And I don’t know how you got so “stoned” on all that fake weed I was selling you.
(Source: College Humor)
Roommate Confessions: Who Doesn’t Flick Their Boogers? [Click for full confession]
I always flick my boogers towards your side of the room.
- Conor B
You weren’t that bad in hindsight, but when I was pissed at you I’d let the gases build up then run to the bathroom, drop my pants and underwear, and rip ass into your little pink face towel. I’m actually surprised you never came down with pink eye.
- Katie K
soo remember when you went behind my back and was talking and having sex with my boyfriend at the time? well since you wanted to be a backstabber, everytime i went to the bathroom, instead of using toilet paper i would wipe with your face towel : )
If you like to shit on your roommate’s things then we want your stories*. Submit them straight to our dirty, filthy Tumblr inbox.
Doesn’t necessarily need to be about poop, but it sure helps.