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Roommate Confessions: String Cheese and Hamburger Buns [Click for more]
Welcome back to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate.

You fed me moldy hamburger buns. I fed you my pubes. -Anonymous
Hey Alan, you know how I gave you discounted rent for the month you crashed at my place, because we were sort of friends last year? And you know how I didn’t even mind when you consumed my food and beer without contributing anything to the household? And do you remember that time I asked for a ride down the street and you tried to charge me ten dollars for “gas money?” Oh and do you recall that time I fucked one of your friends on your futon and then came, on your futon? Well I did. - Anonymous
I ate the last string cheese. Sorry man. - Anonymous

If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins here.

Roommate Confessions: String Cheese and Hamburger Buns [Click for more]

Welcome back to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate.

You fed me moldy hamburger buns. I fed you my pubes. -Anonymous

Hey Alan, you know how I gave you discounted rent for the month you crashed at my place, because we were sort of friends last year? And you know how I didn’t even mind when you consumed my food and beer without contributing anything to the household? And do you remember that time I asked for a ride down the street and you tried to charge me ten dollars for “gas money?” Oh and do you recall that time I fucked one of your friends on your futon and then came, on your futon? Well I did. - Anonymous

I ate the last string cheese. Sorry man. - Anonymous

If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins here.

Roommate Confessions - One Direction »

Remember that time that you threw away all my notebooks before finals. And remember how mad your dad was when a $120 dildo showed up on his credit card. But what you don’t remember is me showing your dildo to all of your friends that came over when you weren’t there, and then hiding it in different spots around your room just to make you paranoid. Why did you keep that thing?

Roommate Confessions - $120 Dildo

Hey remember when I asked you if you had seen my digitial camera and you said no. Well I found it in your room. So remember when school ended and you asked me if I had seen your calculator, calculus book, as well as your engineering economics book, I sold them and actually got about $300 bucks for them all and that mysterious phone tip that the cops got about where you guys smoked pot at, it was me as well. Don’t light a fire you can’t put out.. DOUCHE

Roommate Confessions - I sold your books.

Last year I had a roommate who’s rich family paid for everything. While he was busy flunking out of school I was trying to hold on to my job, unpaid internship and do good enough to keep my scholarships. If bragging about your TV, PS3, computer, fancy clothes, new car and massive weed and alcohol stash wasn’t enough you tried to kick me out of a party at our house. My party, for my birthday. You were probably too trashed to realized what you were saying. And you were definitely too trashed to realize you were helping people rob you when you helped carried out your 50 inch plasma and helped put it in the back of my truck. Don’t be a rich douche and maybe this won’t happen.

Roommate Confessions - Rich Douche Problems

The only thing worse than a douche is a rich one.

Two friends of mine went to see Skyfall last night. Joe owed Jack ten bucks so Joe decided to pay Jack back using the bank payment app on his phone. As a joke, Joe gave the reason for payment sound like a naughty service. However, he didn’t realize that the bank would have Jack verify the payment this morning. Apparently, Jack was being paid for Services Rendered: “Handjob Winky Face.”

Dear roomie - Just because you buy your Easy Mac from Whole Foods doesn’t mean that it’s healthy. I am really sick of you bragging about how smart you are for finding all of the “healthy” versions of your favorite foods. Eat some vegetables; they are actually good for you.

My dorm mixed in students from an acting school. I was lucky enough to have the wannabe-actresses move into the rooms surrounding my own. You know those rich girls from the movie ‘White Chicks’? That was them, except replace “One thousand miles” with SirMixaLot’s “Baby got back”. I was even luckier when they would scream at 4am, banging on my door and run back as if I couldn’t see or tell it was them. It guess it was my punishment for being a “short, nerdy, Asian” girl, according to them. So being “actresses”, they all had their head shots taken and conveniently left them in the lounge. They’ll never know that I helped jump-start their online porn-star careers. Never mess with a “short, nerdy, Asian” graphic designer with wicked Photoshop skills.

Why are 90% of these posts absolutely psychotic? The roommates sound bad but the people submitting sound even worse. Whatever happened to dealing with a lousy roommate (who doesn’t do chores or has sex with their significant other too loudly) in a mature way, instead of just pissing in everything they drink or shower with.

My roommate bought back a girl and we heard the rythmic creaking of coitus - this had happened before so we were determined to stop it, so I put on Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get it On” at full volume. Coitus interruptus achieved.

The reason I live alone now? Reading these stories. God forbid we should confront roommates like rational adults and at least give them the benefit of the doubt. Nah, easier to just piss in something they’ll eat. Yeah. That’ll teach ‘em.

I didn’t prank my roommate, but one day when he went to class I rifled through all of his shit. I found his condoms with a small bag of rubber bands inside the box with them. What the fuck are the rubber bands for?

I’m probably an exception. Being 30 years old and living in a small neighborhood, I decided that life became to boring and decided to go to college. One day i was in my garden, digging a hole - i intended to build a small pond. My neighbor came to the fence and stanted a rather dismissive conversation about me going to college at that age. He also asked what i was doing. Dripping with sarcasm I replied: “well, i gotta burry the bodies somewhere”. Fifteen minutes later the police arrived, made a huge scene and took me to the station, held me for a night, and released me after 24 hours when they realized their mistake. No apology, of course, AND I missed and important class. Retaliation! One night i hopped the fence and planted weed in his garden, hidden behind some untidy bushes implying he wouln’t check there. He didn’t. The weed flourished, i harvested some of it, then called the cops. They came in, found the weed, arrested my neighbor. That was three days ago and I haven’t heard of him since.

Jo, remember that weekend I was out of town and you said you had sex in my bed because you were too lazy to clean off your own bed? To get back at you, I peed in the bag your chicken was marinating in. You ate it with your whore girlfriend that night. I hope it was go

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(Source: College Humor)