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I’m Ra, your RA
Alright, everyone, thanks for coming to the first meeting for 2nd Floor McCullen Hall! Yay! I’m your RA. My name is Amun-Ra, but you can just call me Ra ‘cause I’m chill like that. Let’s break the ice with a little “Two Truths and a Lie.” We’ll say two true things about ourselves and one lie, and it’s up to you to guess which one is not true. Got it? Okay. 1) I brought forth everything in creation by saying its secret name, 2) I have a falcon for a head, and 3) I’m lactose intolerant. What do you guys think…Wrong! It’s the second one. I have a falcon’s HEAD for a head, not a whole falcon. That would look stupid. That’s also a lesson about language. We all need to be sure that we choose our words carefully and keep communication open. That way we’ll all avoid conflicts. Also, avoid using “angry” words like “stupid” in public spaces. That was my bad, there. But that’s also a lesson about me. Sometimes I make mistakes too. I’m a student just like you! I also just happen to have some administrative disciplinary powers, and the power of flight. And the power to create and destroy with a word.Now, we’re all living in the same space, so let’s try to respect each other, okay? When it’s late, keep the noise down. I know some of you are going to want to party, but some of us will be studying, or sleeping, or preventing a giant snake from devouring the sun, so just keep that in mind. Party smarter, not harder.You can also find a basket of condoms on my door. Those are for you guys. And they’re free. I’m not your dad, except in the abstract sense that I created all of you, and I don’t care who you’re shacking up with or whose lettuce you’re jizzing in to establish dominance over them. Just be safe. Safety can be cool! Finish reading

I’m Ra, your RA

Alright, everyone, thanks for coming to the first meeting for 2nd Floor McCullen Hall! Yay! I’m your RA. My name is Amun-Ra, but you can just call me Ra ‘cause I’m chill like that. Let’s break the ice with a little “Two Truths and a Lie.” We’ll say two true things about ourselves and one lie, and it’s up to you to guess which one is not true. Got it? Okay. 1) I brought forth everything in creation by saying its secret name, 2) I have a falcon for a head, and 3) I’m lactose intolerant. What do you guys think…

Wrong! It’s the second one. I have a falcon’s HEAD for a head, not a whole falcon. That would look stupid. That’s also a lesson about language. We all need to be sure that we choose our words carefully and keep communication open. That way we’ll all avoid conflicts. Also, avoid using “angry” words like “stupid” in public spaces. That was my bad, there. But that’s also a lesson about me. Sometimes I make mistakes too. I’m a student just like you! I also just happen to have some administrative disciplinary powers, and the power of flight. And the power to create and destroy with a word.

Now, we’re all living in the same space, so let’s try to respect each other, okay? When it’s late, keep the noise down. I know some of you are going to want to party, but some of us will be studying, or sleeping, or preventing a giant snake from devouring the sun, so just keep that in mind. Party smarter, not harder.

You can also find a basket of condoms on my door. Those are for you guys. And they’re free. I’m not your dad, except in the abstract sense that I created all of you, and I don’t care who you’re shacking up with or whose lettuce you’re jizzing in to establish dominance over them. Just be safe. Safety can be cool! Finish reading

The HoBro Code: A Vagrant’s Guide to Your College Dorm [Click for full whiteboard]
In the early 1900’s, American hobos developed a set of shared secret symbols they used to let fellow bums know what to expect from the residents of any town they drifted into. Now, in the 21st century, the code has been revised so that shitty college kids can exploit the kindness of their dorm mates. Keep reading to learn the secrets of the HoBro Code!

The HoBro Code: A Vagrant’s Guide to Your College Dorm [Click for full whiteboard]

In the early 1900’s, American hobos developed a set of shared secret symbols they used to let fellow bums know what to expect from the residents of any town they drifted into. Now, in the 21st century, the code has been revised so that shitty college kids can exploit the kindness of their dorm mates. Keep reading to learn the secrets of the HoBro Code!

Call me old-fashioned, but I think the guy should be the one who asks the girl out. If granted permission from the Sun God, Ra, of course.

Jokes: Old-Fashioned

Master will be pleased.

Guy Messes with New Roommate on Facebook
Looks like it’s going to be a fun year for Willie’s roommate.

Guy Messes with New Roommate on Facebook

Looks like it’s going to be a fun year for Willie’s roommate.

Batman is RA at Syracuse University
Apparently Batman has the handwriting of a five-year-old.

Batman is RA at Syracuse University

Apparently Batman has the handwriting of a five-year-old.

Leaked: Olympic Village RA [click to continue reading]

Leaked: Olympic Village RA [click to continue reading]

SAT Questions That I Wish I Had Gotten Right Before Going to College

FILL-IN-THE-BLANK QUESTIONS


1.) Dude, be careful hitting on that ——- girl Jessica, because I totally ——- her last semester.
A. crazy . . got stalked by
B. depressed . . used her low self-esteem to take advantage of
C. underage . . legally adopted
D. pregnant . . put a baby in
E. zombie . . killed

2.) You don’t have to worry about ——- in your dorm room, as long as you ——- the RA.
A. getting’ freaky . . make a video of it for
B. practicing Satanism . . sacrifice a virgin to
C. distilling alcohol . . kidnap, and then disguise yourself as
D. allowing illegal immigrants to run a sweat shop . . give free textiles to
E. murder . . murder

3.) That professor is a real ——- and he totally ——- that midterm.
A. downer . . was writing a suicide note during
B. hero . . deserves to be knighted for
C. sex offender . . had sex with me on top of
D. big fan of child labor . . made Taiwanese six-year-olds grade
E. water buffalo . . blew my mind when he used his hoofs to distribute

Keep reading

(Source: College Humor)

Translation:  I am going to take intramurals far too seriously.
The 25 Phrases You’ll Hear During Orientation Week, And What They Really Mean

Translation:  I am going to take intramurals far too seriously.


The 25 Phrases You’ll Hear During Orientation Week, And What They Really Mean

(Source: College Humor)

Translation: “I think I want to be rich, but I’m terrible at math and logic, and have no understanding of the current economic climate. I will major is sociology instead because it’s easy, but sounds smart. Now, are you going to let me put my tongue in your mouth or what?”
The 25 Phrases You’ll Hear During Orientation Week, And What They Really Mean

Translation: “I think I want to be rich, but I’m terrible at math and logic, and have no understanding of the current economic climate. I will major is sociology instead because it’s easy, but sounds smart. Now, are you going to let me put my tongue in your mouth or what?”


The 25 Phrases You’ll Hear During Orientation Week, And What They Really Mean

(Source: College Humor)

The 25 Phrases You’ll Hear During Orientation Week, And What They Really Mean
Translation: This meeting is run by people who don’t know who you are. They won’t know if you attend or not.
(Click through to see what else you should know for orientation)

The 25 Phrases You’ll Hear During Orientation Week, And What They Really Mean

Translation: This meeting is run by people who don’t know who you are. They won’t know if you attend or not.

(Click through to see what else you should know for orientation)

(Source: College Humor)