“My dorm mixed in students from an acting school. I was lucky enough to have the wannabe-actresses move into the rooms surrounding my own. You know those rich girls from the movie ‘White Chicks’? That was them, except replace “One thousand miles” with SirMixaLot’s “Baby got back”. I was even luckier when they would scream at 4am, banging on my door and run back as if I couldn’t see or tell it was them. It guess it was my punishment for being a “short, nerdy, Asian” girl, according to them. So being “actresses”, they all had their head shots taken and conveniently left them in the lounge. They’ll never know that I helped jump-start their online porn-star careers. Never mess with a “short, nerdy, Asian” graphic designer with wicked Photoshop skills.”

“When my brother was in high school they brought back the practice of saying the pledge of allegiance each morning before class. During the pledge, they would show a video of a waving American flag on the tv monitors in each classroom. My brother swiped one of my porno tapes from my room and gave it to his contact in the AV club who edited about 30 seconds of hardcore banging into the middle of the flag video. Later when my mom told me the story about why he was suspended from school, the only complete sentence I could make out through her alternating fits of laughter and fury was “The principal said the entire school is in an uproar.”

“It would be a lot easier to be a hard worker if my company didn’t block access to porn sites on the internet.”