“You – and I’m referring to you, the one who just took the last slice of Domino’s pizza; you, the one who is licking melted chocolate off of your Snickers wrapper; you who couldn’t stop yourself once you tweeted where you planned on going to dinner, but instead informed us when you were on your way to the restaurant, when you were seated, and then when each course came (will you tell us what it’s like on the way out, too?).”