He’s kind of a must-hire.
Screencap - Jesus, Mary and Joseph
His miracles are amazing… from certain angles.
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Jesus had a +1.
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Hey, get it right. JESUS hung out with dinosaurs.
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I vant do drink God’s blood.
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So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, but there was no guestroom available to them.
“I’m sorry, sir,” spoke the concierge, “but I do not see a reservation for House of David here.”
And Joseph sighed deeply and spoke, “Lo, I booked with priceline.com. I have my reservation number.”
And Mary spoke, “Perhaps it is under my name? Sometimes you do that.” And Joseph rolled his eyes for it was much like Mary to think he would forget something like that even though he did not.
“Ah, here we are! Sorry, we had your name on the wrong scroll. It’s a new system,” sayeth the apologetic concierge, who reminded the weary pilgrims to hold onto their breakfast vouchers or the hot bar would cost two Caesars.
And while there, Mary gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in monogrammed towels and did not tell anybody about it, as Joseph was sure the damn hotel would levy a mighty charge for sneaking in a third occupant. Later they would order in pizza and watch Cinemax, which they still did not get in Nazareth. [Keep Reading]
The Three Wise Men Have an Argument [Click for full post]
Melchior: This is exciting, huh? The birth of the Lord God incarnate?
Melchior: Yeah, this is going to be great. Hey, what do you guys think he’ll look like?
Gaspar: A baby, probably.
Melchior: OK, what’s the problem here, guys? We’re on the way to meet the Living God and you guys are being weird!
Balthasar: Nothing. Let’s just keep riding. Lots of desert between here and Bethlehem.
Melchior: It’s about the gold, right? You guys are pissed I brought gold. Come on, let’s do this.
Balthasar: It’s not about the gold. It’s about what the gold represents.
Melchior: You guys, Frankincense and Myrrh are awesome gifts, too. It’s not like we’re having a contest here.
Gaspar: Really? Really?! OK then, so if this isn’t a contest to you, why don’t you give the infant Christ King some of that cinnamon you have in your camel’s saddle bag instead?
Melchior: That cinnamon is for one of my wives. Besides, I already brought the gold. I might as well give it to him.
Gaspar: You don’t think Balthasar and I wanted to give the Lamb of God some gold or some jewels? I’d give the infant Lord all of my worldly goods but we agreed on a 20 denari limit! [Keep Reading]
At the Pearly Gates
Angel at Podium: Next!
The line moves up. A man steps forward.
John: Hi there.
Angel * referring to a large book *: Jonathon Robert Curtis, born May 1st, 1982 in Dallas, Texas. Is all of that correct?
John: Sounds right to me.
Angel: It says here that you died while saving both orphans and puppies from a burning building. How noble.
John * shrugs *: The fire department was taking too long to get there.
Angel: You pray regularly for others, you attend church most Sundays, and your infringements on the Ten Commandments only amount to occasionally swearing, ‘God dammit.’ Overall, you’ve lived a very good, albeit too short life. Everything appears to be in order…
John: Great! I can’t wait to get in there! I mean, you always wonder who you would want to meet in Heaven and…
Angel: Woah woah woah. Slow it down there, cowboy. We haven’t even checked your Facebook yet. [Keep Reading]
That’s ridiculous! Counselor Troi wasn’t a virgin.
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