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The Pope’s Exit Interview Questionnaire [Click for full post]
This morning, Pope Benedict XVI shocked Catholics around the world by announcing that he would resign at the end of this month, making him only the second pope in history to do so. Surprisingly, there is in fact protocol for these things.
What is your primary reason for leaving?
Offered new employment.
What additional reasons contributed to your leaving?
Old age
Wanted change of pace/vacation time
Workplace frustrations (limitations of the Apostolic See, lack of general upkeep of my cathedral the Archbasilica of St. John Lateran)
Toxic work environment (Craig)
What was most satisfying about your job?
Being preserved from the possibility of error
Authority over the Sacred Magisterium as spiritual successor to St. Peter the Apostle
Bagel Fridays
What was least satisfying about your job?
Lack of benefits / opportunity for advancement
Dealing with my pope hat, widespread sexual abuse scandal, etc.
Co-workers (Craig) [Keep Reading]

The Pope’s Exit Interview Questionnaire [Click for full post]

This morning, Pope Benedict XVI shocked Catholics around the world by announcing that he would resign at the end of this month, making him only the second pope in history to do so. Surprisingly, there is in fact protocol for these things.

What is your primary reason for leaving?

Offered new employment.

What additional reasons contributed to your leaving?

  • Old age
  • Wanted change of pace/vacation time
  • Workplace frustrations (limitations of the Apostolic See, lack of general upkeep of my cathedral the Archbasilica of St. John Lateran)
  • Toxic work environment (Craig)

What was most satisfying about your job?

  • Being preserved from the possibility of error
  • Authority over the Sacred Magisterium as spiritual successor to St. Peter the Apostle
  • Bagel Fridays

What was least satisfying about your job?

  • Lack of benefits / opportunity for advancement
  • Dealing with my pope hat, widespread sexual abuse scandal, etc.
  • Co-workers (Craig) [Keep Reading]

A Cover Letter Written in the HR Rep’s Exact Thoughts About Every Cover Letter

To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing to express my interest in being another sheet of paper that you skim. Due to my palpable lack of marketable skills, I am confident that I can make myself completely forgettable in the space of a few paragraphs. You will see that I am highly capable of this. I have two bachelor’s degrees. I’m sure that the following embellishments of my misspent life will make you want my sweaty, unfit body to be near yours in an office every weekday for many years. LOOK AT ME! Are you looking at me? Good.

Now I’m going to start lying about being good at the position you are offering. I will begin by making a completely empty statement by saying that I think I can be a valuable member of your team. I saw “Remember the Titans” twice in theaters. What a team they were, huh? That’s just one example of the empty logic I am employing in order to pass off my substandard abilities as the exact qualities of a desirable candidate. Additionally, I have extensive experience using computers, often for web games and porno. Ergo, I can meet the challenges of this tech-savvy position because, for the purposes of this cover letter, all computer skills are the same computer skill. And did you know that I went to college? That’s probably where I learned to waste people’s time.

I have also interned at several places. I spent the bulk of those internships thinking about mentioning them here, to you. Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t used the word “qualifications” yet. Oh shit, here it comes. I have many qualifications:

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(Source: College Humor)