Finish reading Why Nightclubs Are Actually Super Depressing
Best Mom Ever! A Mother’s Day Sketch
Mama said there’d be dudes like this.
(Source: College Humor)
If you didn’t wake up today with a shot of tequila, a sombrero, and a vaguely racist notion of what Cinco De Mayo is all about, you shouldn’t have woken up at all.
Together, they are truly the highest holiday.
Finish reading 6 Reasons Easter and 420 Are Actually the Same Holiday
Join us as we celebrate the world’s coolest religion, next to Jedi of course.
On April Fools, there’s no one more deserving of a good, old-fashioned prank than your smug asshole of a cat. These pranks should help take him down a peg.
Finish reading 5 New St. Patrick’s Day Cocktails for Secret Drinking
You might think you can’t have the appropriate amount of alcohol-induced fun when St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Monday, but you’re wrong. Here are some special drink recipes to help you booze the whole day through IN SECRET.
May you never have to wear a polo shirt in an official capacity.
May all alumni fundraising letters get sent to your old address.
May the old bands you go see never play anything from their new album.
May all your unplanned pregnancies be bluffs related to extortion attempts.
May your good grandma live longer than the bad grandma.
May your high school friends never invite you to Kickstart anything.
May the drive through guy mess up and give you free fries every time.
Finish reading 12 New Irish Toasts for St. Patrick’s Day 2014
There’s no pot of gold at the end of your 20s. Just quinoa.
Ken M is an internet commenter who brings a uniquely moronic perspective to the issues of the day. Fueled by a winning combination of ignorance and confidence, Ken’s insights range from the painfully dumb to the soul-crushingly stupid.