Gross Cocktail Trivia is starting now. Let’s watch someone puke because crushed up Cheetos dust is on the menu.
Roommate Confessions: Sit on a Barbed Wire Dildo [Click for more]
He pissed me off to the point where I told him to sit on a barbwire dildo and changed every language on his PS3 to different languages. some korean, others spanish, and who knows what else.
My housemate went overseas for 6 months and left me with a 50 year old Iranian man who would spend close to an hour in the toilet each night and cut his nose hairs before arranging them neatly on the tap. Anyway. The day before I finally moved out I poured milk on her mattress so she would never be able to quite get that smell out of her room without getting a new bed.
The first time I met my freshman college roommate, I was leaving the room after having unpacked my things while he was coming in to unpack his. The second time I met him was later that day when I unlocked the door to find him sitting on the bed with a blanket over his lap with his girlfriend standing next to the bed. His parents were nowhere to be found. Mine, fortunately, along with my younger brother and sister, walked in with me.
I was so pissed at my previous roommate that I actually pissed in some of her perfume.
Our first entirely Tumblr submitted Roommate Confessions post. If you’d like to be featured in our column then submit your stories straight to our Tumblr. We won’t judge you, but other people probably will.
I said hold the sludge and mice!
15 Horrible Things People Have Found in Their Food [Click for more]
If you’re one of the lucky ones who got an extra treat in your meal then congratulations. At best you’ll make it onto the 6 o’clock news, at worst you’ll get to star in a CollegeHumor list where we all revel in how lucky we are to not be you.
Sweaty people everywhere will make a pilgrimage.
Better not get these trick-or-treating now…
My boyfriend had been pursuing me all night trying to get me to have sex. I wasn’t terribly in the mood but I finally gave in and we proceeded to head into the bedroom. Just as we started going at it he lets out this huge, rank fart and starts laughing hysterically. I said “How can you expect me to f**k you when you just farted like that?” He replied with, “What can I say babe? You bring out the best of me” – complete a huge ass grin on his face.
Picking up after the dog may’ve just gotten more fun…
Kittens, they’re adorable. You love em’ wearing or sitting in just about anything. You can’t get enough of em! These are perhaps the creme de la creme of kitten photos on the world wide web. One in particular is guaranteed to overwhelm you with its soft, snuggle-worthy goodness. See if you can spot which one!
Video: Teddy Operation [Click to watch]
Gonna be a long road of rehab before playtime again.
My roommate is so messy it’s disgusting. Weird smells come out of her room…I can’t even describe it, its like BO and sweaty gym socks and god only knows. There are crumbs all over our kitchen constantly no matter how much I clean it. I had to put out ant traps cuz I’m sure we will get ants sooner or later. She is always dropping things into the little metal things under the coils of the stove and never cleans it out after! Hello?? That stuff is gonna just burn later….when I’m cooking…. She has never once cleaned a thing in our apartment…ever. But I repay her for that because after I clean the bathroom I dry off all the surfaces with her face towel and then hang it back on the hook so she will use it to dry her face the next morning. I also put a few drops of pickle juice in her half gone gallon of milk so she thought it spoiled and threw it out….and I’ve done this a few times…love seeing her waste money. On an unrelated note….she contributed next to nothing to our apartment. Well that’s gonna bite her in the ass when I tell her I’m not renewing our lease and then she will be stuck with an apartment with nothing in it except her bed, a couch, and a frying pan. Whoops, guess she just won’t have a roommate but will be stuck here for her job ….or she can go back home and live with her parents. HA! Oh yea, and bitch has GOT to learn to chew with her mouth closed. No one wants to see half-eaten food rolling around in your mouth. DISGUSTING! Not to mention this girl is perpetually single. She has a gross face with no chin (how weird is that?). Not sure if she has ever dated anyone but she is so socially awkward I wouldn’t be surprised if she is 24 and still a virgin. I wish I could say all this to her face, or just be a complete bitch to her…but we work together…so I am forced to be courteous and nice. Lesson learned here: don’t ever live with someone you only know from work…chances are they are going to be a horrible roommate. Worst. Decision. Ever. - Corie
If you have a story like Corie (that rhymes) then submit yours straight to our Tumblr (that doesn’t)
It puts the Doritos on its skin, or it get gets the hose again.
I Think Gum Companies Are Having Trouble Thinking of New Flavors [Click for another piece]
Feel the sensation of being grossed out.
Scratch that. I hate that I didn’t find out ketchup cake exists until today.
Roommate Confessions: Special Cookies and the Taco Massacre [Click for more]
Remember the time I drove you and your stupid friends to White Castle because you were all drunk and complaining? Then remember how you didnt give me any of the 30 burgers that I bought, because you forgot your money? Well I slept with your girlfriend and she’s pregnant. -Anonymous
You would always wear shoes with no socks and only took a shower once a week. You always ate my food. Anytime you ate something you would leave the plate out to see what would grow on it. Remember that time you got sick from eating MY cereal? Well I saved a gallon of 3 week old milk and transfered it to a new container that said it hadn’t expired yet. Oh, and also had some guy friends jizz into it. Guess you put it on my cereal you ate… - Anonymous
Remember you can submit your own stories to us RIGHT IN TUMBLR!