“Remember when you would always party at night and then beg to use my business finance homework to copy? It irritated the Hell out of me, but I was too nice to say anything, so I dropped subtle hints: I’d always be prepared and do my homework twice - one with all the correct answers and another with mostly wrong answers. I gave you the one with wrong answers, then - as if by miracle - realize I had “made mistakes on a bunch and changed them before class”. Oops.”

“My 2nd month into my freshman year of college I met this guy who was pretty cute and he came to visit me in my dorm. Come to find out he’s only had sex once 2 years ago. Which you know I’m alright with until he asked me to “hold it open”.”