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10 Signs That You're Dating A REAL Man »

Do you have the strength to post a Facebook status WITHOUT CHECKING TO SEE WHO LIKED IT????

Finish reading 6 Modern-Day Torture Devices That Would Actually Work

What I've Always Wanted To Write On My Stupid Tax Forms »
Read What Middle America Is Like According To Truck Commercials
We’re just simple folk who love fences and throwin’ wood in slo-mo!

Read What Middle America Is Like According To Truck Commercials

We’re just simple folk who love fences and throwin’ wood in slo-mo!

How To Win A Movie Swordfight 
If you ever find yourself in a movie swordfight, just follow these 20 simple steps to come out on top!
1. First, exchange some whimsical banter. Trade light insults and chuckle at yourselves. This is a good way to prepare yourself to murder each other with blades.
2. Fight time! Start off with some standard back-and-forth sword-clanging. Keep it nice and easy — don’t try anything unexpected or try too hard to stab them / win the fight. Just a nice, simple rhythm.
3. Throw in some spins and shit!4. After ~50 identical unsuccessful sword-strikes, just kick the dude. It will land perfectly because it is not fatal. Resume fighting.5. Your opponent will swing at your legs once just to switch it up. Jump! Now they have failed to stab your legs.6. Next, he’ll swing at your head. Duck! He’ll miss and smash something with his sword, like a dumb table or clay pot (there’s clay pots all over the place because this is the past.)7. Do some more standard clanging. Left, right, left, right, etc — imagine a nice even dance beat, or the NES Konami Code.8. Cross your swords and push your faces close together. Your opponent will whisper something taunting at you, either about how he’s gonna steal your lady or how he’ll kill you just like he killed your father. Yell “AaaaaAAHAHHHHH!!!” and push him away and resume fighting.9. Grind your swords together up a stone wall or a railing so it makes sparks! Fucking COOL.10. Cut to you as SILHOUETTES for a few seconds. Fucking EVEN COOLER!
Finish reading How To Win A Movie Swordfight 

How To Win A Movie Swordfight 

If you ever find yourself in a movie swordfight, just follow these 20 simple steps to come out on top!

1. First, exchange some whimsical banter. Trade light insults and chuckle at yourselves. This is a good way to prepare yourself to murder each other with blades.

2. Fight time! Start off with some standard back-and-forth sword-clanging. Keep it nice and easy — don’t try anything unexpected or try too hard to stab them / win the fight. Just a nice, simple rhythm.

3. Throw in some spins and shit!

4. After ~50 identical unsuccessful sword-strikes, just kick the dude. It will land perfectly because it is not fatal. Resume fighting.

5. Your opponent will swing at your legs once just to switch it up. Jump! Now they have failed to stab your legs.

6. Next, he’ll swing at your head. Duck! He’ll miss and smash something with his sword, like a dumb table or clay pot (there’s clay pots all over the place because this is the past.)

7. Do some more standard clanging. Left, right, left, right, etc — imagine a nice even dance beat, or the NES Konami Code.

8. Cross your swords and push your faces close together. Your opponent will whisper something taunting at you, either about how he’s gonna steal your lady or how he’ll kill you just like he killed your father. Yell “AaaaaAAHAHHHHH!!!” and push him away and resume fighting.

9. Grind your swords together up a stone wall or a railing so it makes sparks! Fucking COOL.

10. Cut to you as SILHOUETTES for a few seconds. Fucking EVEN COOLER!

Finish reading How To Win A Movie Swordfight 

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(Source: newyork.ucbtheatre.com)

Come to our LIVE SHOW tomorrow night! Tickets available here

Come to our LIVE SHOW tomorrow night! Tickets available here

A Dog Reviews TV Shows

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Hey folks, Biscuit here — I don’t usually like looking at the tv, but I randomly do sometimes and react to things, so here’s MY take on some of the most PUP-ular shows on tv! Popular. Sorry, typo.

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LOVED the part where that bird was squawking, and those gunshot noises briefly got my attention. Mistook a ‘creaking’ noise for the front door and barked at nothing for six minutes. B+

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I was REALLY into that part where the doorbell rang, and I enjoyed those couple times the elevator ‘ding’ed, but other than that, the dialogue didn’t really do much for me. 

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I was surprisingly uninterested when that dog came on the screen, even though my master kept trying to get me to look at it. Left the room before it ended.

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Party scene was TOO LOUD. Spent twenty seconds looking around nervously, then calmed back down. Car horn was cool though. Also, that relationship between Shoshanna and Ray?? NO bird noises.

Finish reading A Dog Reviews TV Shows

Hey folks, Biscuit here — I don’t usually like looking at the tv, but I randomly do sometimes and react to things, so here’s MY take on some of the most PUP-ular shows on tv! Popular. Sorry, typo.
Read A Dog Reviews TV Shows

Hey folks, Biscuit here — I don’t usually like looking at the tv, but I randomly do sometimes and react to things, so here’s MY take on some of the most PUP-ular shows on tv! Popular. Sorry, typo.

Read A Dog Reviews TV Shows

Laughs & cheap beer
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Laughs & cheap beer

Reserve Tickets Here

7 Awesome Pickup Lines I Learned From Cartoons

1. Turn Into A Wolf And Howl At Them

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A classic move. The “howling” lets the lady know that her physical appearance is pleasing to you, while your new wolf head shows her that you have a WILD SIDE and are also now a wolf.

2. Make An Old Timey “AAAAWOOOOOGAHHH!!!!” Car Horn Noise

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What’s that old expression about “Women and Cars”? I don’t know. There may not be one. But if there were, it’d probably be something along the lines of “Women love old timey car horn noises and will insta-date any living thing that produces them.”

3. Have Your Heart Beat Super Loudly Out Of Your Chest  

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The name of the game is “subtlety,” and there’s nothing more subtle than having your heart leap out of your chest and make a thumping noise in the direction of your potential romantic interest. She won’t know what that pounding, heart-shaped object under your shirt is. A box of chocolates? Your literal heart?? Now you’ve got so much intrigue you’re literally James Bond.

Finish reading 7 Awesome Pickup Lines I Learned From Cartoons

The 10 Most ADORABLE Unlikely Animal Pairs!!! »

What You Thought Drinking Was Like When You Were 10

When you’re little, you THINK you know what being drunk is like, because of cartoons and comics and tv shows, but when you get older and start actually getting drunk on a regular basis, you eventually find out that your perceptions at age 10 were actually, well, COMPLETELY RIGHT:

1. You See A Lot Of Pink Elephants

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Drinking too much always causes you hallucinate and see things that aren’t really there, including, most commonly, tiny pink elephants who can fly. It’s similar to the phenomenon when you’re really hungry and your friend’s head turns into a hamburger, only drunker and more elephanty.

2. Bubbles Float Out Of Your Head

When you’re drunk, 2-5 little bubbles will constantly be coming out of your head and floating around your general face area. Are these bubbles made of beer? Probably. But now everyone’s gonna see the bubbles and know you’re drunk.

3. A Lampshade Ends Up On Your Head At Some Point

Literally every single time you drink alcohol, the night will end with a lampshade on your head. Presumably, you will get so intoxicated, you will think you are the “Life of the Party” and yell “Hey look at me, I’m the Life Of The Party!” and take a lampshade and put it on your head to confirm this fact.

Finish reading What You Thought Drinking Was Like When You Were 10

There’s no quicker way to become everyone’s least favorite person on Facebook than by constantly posting super-vague statuses clearly designed to bait other friends into asking you “What happened??”

Here are 11 Examples of this scenario in the hopes that we can all stop doing it (or at the very least, roll our eyes harder at the people who do)