Help Gwen out and finish reading Congress Splits the Check
I wonder how she’ll deal with bedtime.
If Congress Got Stuff Done Like Roommates [Click for full email]
Gmail to the chief.
If Congress Got Stuff Done Like Roommates [Click for full thread]
Please reply all.
The Walking Dead Meets Congress [Click to watch]
Like they say, “Fight The Living”.
The government is deadlocked and there’s no way out. All in favor of being terrified?
Excerpts from my John Boehner Cross-Over Fan Fiction [Click to continue reading]
Speaker John Boehner wasn’t going down without the last word. “I’m afraid we’ve got more Covenant on the way,” buzzed the Cortana AI. The Master Chief was already on it, jumping into the swarm of Brutes with his rifle blazing white-hot. An Elite made the charge toward Boehner, but the Ohio public servant’s impressive torso – sculpted on the Moeller High Football Field – deflected every attack before unleashing an assault of his own with the Springfield Rifle it was his God-given right to carry.
“Thanks for the assist,” quipped the stoic Spartan as he and Boehner mentally fist-bumped. Cortana quickly cut in, “No time to rest boys, we’ve got to reach the United Nations Space Command before…” Boehner held up his hand with a well-earned air of authority, “The UN!? You seriously put the United Nations in charge of the space army?” The silence said it all.
“Aliens are not the problem here! The only real way to save humanity is to reduce this bloated space government and its uncontrollable, unsustainable spaceship spending.” The Master Chief looked deep into Boehner’s eyes, sensing both the conviction and righteousness of his fellow super human’s cause. The chief reloaded his shotgun. “It’s time to put our fiscal house in order.” [Keep Reading]
Me - I believe my 3.6 GPA, Spanish club presidency, and overall friendly demeanor make me the ideal candidate to run the world’s largest economy and military. People say I’m like really easy to talk to. If elected president, school will run on an “as needs” basis, marijuana will be legal, and Thursday will become a government-funded “Free Sundae Day.”
Mickey Mouse - The area now known as Disneyland used to be a collection of low-income housing projects, ridden with unemployment, gang violence, and drugs. When Mickey came along to establish Disneyland, he created a truly modern city with a bustling tourist economy. Who says he can’t do the same to America? He has promised to fund a commission of highly efficient wizards to replace doctors, thus, eliminating the need for healthcare. Furthermore, he will save endangered species by turning Montana into an Animal Kingdom, and fight China’s growing economy with unicorns. Sure, he can be criticized for Disneyland’s growing obesity problem, but would you rather have an obese nation wearing festive hats or a healthy one without unicorns? Think about it.
President Josiah Bartlet (from The West Wing) - Bartlet promises to distract you from pressing issues with his epic speeches while said issues work themselves out by serendipitous acts of luck or coincidence. Also, he will defend himself against any critics with awesome zingers.
Penis - I think penises are funny. I want my president to be funny, like Reagan. If these two are true, then penis = president. What will the penis do in office? Draw more dicks all over stuff, making congressional hearings lot more fun. Also, congress = boobs.
(Image courtesy of CNN)
Wikipedia is down for today, here’s a temporary replacement.
(Source: College Humor)
Well, at least you’re not alone today.
(Source: College Humor)