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Employee Manuals…Probably

Sometimes the employees of a company are so consistent in the way they perform a certain task, it seems that’s how they must have been trained.  Here, without naming names, are these companies’ employee manuals…probably.

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Be SLIGHTLY stressed out about not having enough time or money to eat a healthy lunch.


Construct a very elaborate rationalization about how you can probably just skip lunch today and be fine. Like, you eat three meals a day. You’re eating constantly. Your body probably has so much energy stored up that it won’t even notice if you skip a meal this ONE time.


Immediately regret this plan as soon as you catch even the faintest whiff of someone else’s lunch.


Think about having a snack.


Nah, you’re fine. Snacks are for weaklings.


Be very unproductive for two hours.


Well, okay. So maybe you’re a weakling. That’s fine! There’s no shame in that.


That snack was NOT enough. But if you have more food now, you’ll ruin your appetite for dinner and then throw your whole eating cycle into chaos.


Man, when did you become your mom?


Notice that every task you have to do feels much…harder than usual. Answering an email from a friend? Jesus Christ, who are you, a PUBLIC RELATIONS MOGUL?


Hmm. Weird. You’ve never noticed this before, but everyone you work with is sort of annoying.

Finish reading —> How to Drive Yourself Crazy by Skipping a Meal

  1. Be SLIGHTLY stressed out about not having enough time or money to eat a healthy lunch.

  2. Construct a very elaborate rationalization about how you can probably just skip lunch today and be fine. Like, you eat three meals a day. You’re eating constantly. Your body probably has so much energy stored up that it won’t even notice if you skip a meal this ONE time.

  3. Immediately regret this plan as soon as you catch even the faintest whiff of someone else’s lunch.

  4. Think about having a snack.

  5. Nah, you’re fine. Snacks are for weaklings.

  6. Be very unproductive for two hours.

  7. Well, okay. So maybe you’re a weakling. That’s fine! There’s no shame in that.

  8. That snack was NOT enough. But if you have more food now, you’ll ruin your appetite for dinner and then throw your whole eating cycle into chaos.

  9. Man, when did you become your mom?

  10. Notice that every task you have to do feels much…harder than usual. Answering an email from a friend? Jesus Christ, who are you, a PUBLIC RELATIONS MOGUL?

  11. Hmm. Weird. You’ve never noticed this before, but everyone you work with is sort of annoying.

Finish reading —> How to Drive Yourself Crazy by Skipping a Meal

kronosfhtagn:

Bassists Look Too Bored (with Mark Hoppus)

This is beyond hilarious.

Further Reading - Common Moves of the Bass Player

The ‘Todd, Go to Arby’s and Get the Band Food’

Don’t talk to me until you’ve read this article.

Finish reading What the World Looks Like Before and After Coffee

Every Videogame from The Simpsons »

Finish reading —> The 5 Starbucks Habits That Should Be Punishable By Death 

Watch —> Internet Commenter Funeral

ROFL

Do you think it’s only fair that there be a White History Month? Then we’ve got the soda for you! 

If You’re Only KINDA Racist, This Is The Beverage For You!

Things look a little different when you’re drunk…

Check out past editions of Drunk-o-Vision
Also, check out Stoner-Vision and Work-o-Vision

8 Rejected Photobooth Effects

Go to CollegeHumor.com for more funny original articles and videos.

Watch - Hardly Working - Bill Murray
Pat meets the star of “Rushmore,” “Ghostbusters,” and his worst nightmare. 

Watch - Hardly Working - Bill Murray

Pat meets the star of “Rushmore,” “Ghostbusters,” and his worst nightmare. 

mashable:

Can You Make It Through This Entire Video?

No skipping ahead. No pausing. No opening another tab and letting this play in the background.

Adam Ruins Everything <— Full Playlist

gohelloflo:

College Humor takes on the Mystery of the Female Thigh Gap. This is worth a watch.

"It became a kind of mass cultural delusion, engaging in the idolatry of nothingness, uttering strange incantations like ‘dat gap’"

Full Precious Plum Playlist

Full Precious Plum Playlist

(Source: nervousxkid)