1. Michelle Obama seen watering marijuana plants in the White House garden.
2. Romney casually mentions that he’s seen the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape.
3. Paul Ryan is actually named Ryan Paul, son of Ron Paul.
4. Mitt Romney final releases his tax records revealing that he owns the southwestern chicken franchise Los Pollos Hermanos.
5. While stumping for Obama, Bill Clinton gets his dick sucked again.
6. Tagg Romney challenges Mitt to single combat and defeats him, thus becoming the Alpha Romney.

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