- Finally sit down to watch Dr. Strangelove and see where all of the jokes and references he’s made over the years actually came from.
- Adopt a Yorkshire Terrier, name it Raeus, introduce it to people as his pet, Raeus, and laugh for fucking days.
- Realize he has nothing left to lose and fuck for fucking days.
- Grow his hair out, even if it means breaking a few mirrors trying to bash a hippie’s brains in.
- Add a “1” to the end of his passwords.
- Think of a funny meaning for the CIA acronym and put it on t-shirts.
“Sorry, what was the line?”
"You're not safe here, Bella."
" Right, what did I say?
"You looked straight into the camera with dead eyes and said "Rupert Sanders, I will lawnmower your balls."
Don’t worry, it’s only ENCOURAGED that you show him your boobs at the end of the night.
ATTN London Tumblrs:
"After a serious spill, a former study partner begins to stalk me like a procrastinating puma on an answer sheet."
I mean, did it really have to be this long before he cheats?
She’s crazy for you.
“Remember that time i came home and you and my boyfriend were sitting on the couch “watching a movie” with your hand down his pants? Well dont worry i forgave you the night i came home and your boyfriend was waiting on you… lets just say that was the best wait of his life.”
“One day i looked over at my girlfriend and she quickly put away her phone; i jokingly asked “[haha] who were you texting your other boyfriend[mischievous smile]”…”