Follow Us

CollegeHumor Staff Blog

Which means you probably won’t want to read 4, 5, 6, or 7 either.

Click to FINISH: 7 Signs the Internet Has Shortened Your Attention Span

(Source: College Humor)

We’ll all be suckers for the versions of things we grew up with, but I can safely say — authoritatively and without any reservations — that the latest Spider-Man trilogy (the second of which comes out this weekend) is vastly inferior to the original set that came out a decade ago… excluding the gluttonous mess that was Spider-Man 3, which, after watching these entertaining Cinema Sins videos, I’m glad I skipped.

Click to FINISH: Everything Wrong with the Original Spider-Man Trilogy in 30 Minutes

(Source: College Humor)

Click to FINISH: 

5 Crazy ‘Star Wars: Episode VII Announcement Easter Eggs You Might’ve Missed

(Source: College Humor)

Wingmanville: When you see a hottie you like, your phone automatically sends a text from your best friend’s phone to the hottie’s best friend’s phone asking if they like you back. All the ease of technology, with the nostalgic charm of a 6th grade dance.

MatchBot: First, you rank your preference for every other app user in order. The app mathematically pairs everyone up with their mutually optimal match, and then you are contractually obligated to marry that person and spend the rest of your life with them. You can’t get turned down, because it’s illegal!

Click for 3 MORE: 5 New Apps for People Too Shy to Use Tinder

(Source: College Humor)

Greetings, sir or madam,

Your current station in life has attracted the attention of the omnipotent rulers of the universe, us, the Illuminati. We would hereby like to invite you to join our order of infinite power. However, while we are inviting you, please realize turning down the “offer” is not possible. If you don’t join you will be sent to another dimension. A dimension where we have even more power and our invitations are even more threatening. We can do that.

You have undoubtedly heard whispers of our existence and deeds, but let us now reveal the true scope of our society. Every government power but one is under our command, and the one that isn’t is because we don’t want it. It can keep its banks, watches, and neutrality. We already have Switzerland.

The global economy is our plaything. Sometimes we flip a coin to determine whether or not coins should still have value. So far the world hasn’t had to deal with worthless coins, but statistically it’s only a matter of time before the arcade industry plummets. For you see, we can make any industry crumble at any given moment. You remember Beanie Babies, I’m sure. Due to us, they didn’t grow into Beanie Adults.

Click to finish: Congratulations! You’ve Been Invited to Join the Illuminati!

(Source: College Humor)

Dear Guy Eating Chips,

Sure. Have a coffee, a sandwich, a pop-tart, I don’t care, but Sun Chips? I don’t think you could have found anything worse to eat in a library, and it definitely doesn’t help that you chew like a fucking wood chipper. What flavor are they? I’d be pretty stoked if you just downed an entire bag of Sour Cream & Poison. I’m not sure exactly what Sun Chips bags are made of, but it’s no secret that they’re louder than an EDM concert. Plus, the chips themselves are fucking noisy. Don’t eat that shit in the library.


Dear Couple in the Corner,

It’s cute that you want to help each other study, but this isn’t the place to be sucking face. Most people are here to study or read a fucking book (a fucking book not a fucking-book. Put down The Kama Sutra). Not only that, but if you’re going to start yelling “Who the fuck is Kristen?” at your boyfriend whenever his phone goes off, try doing it at home or in the KFC bathroom where he got you pregnant. That way you won’t disturb others, and I’m sure the fact that you scream at him in public is probably one of the reasons he’s cheating on you in the first place. While you’re fighting though, could you tell your asshole of a boyfriend to put his phone on silent? Thanks. Speaking of which…


 

Dear Guy with the iPhone,

Not only do you have your phone on loud, but you actually have the “click” noise turned on for texting. Only douchebags have that sound on. We get it man, you have an iPhone. Congratulations, now put it on silent. Yes, silent. Not vibrate. I don’t appreciate the table subtly shaking every forty-five seconds because you’ve got some conversation important enough to interrupt your studies, but not so important that you’d actually leave. Honesty, why do you keep putting it back down? You might as well just keep the fucking thing in your hand. I asked somebody to watch my computer while I “went to the washroom” just so I could do a walk-by and see how much work you’ve done tonight. All that was on your screen was this.

Click to finish: Open Letter to the Most Annoying People Studying in the Library

(Source: College Humor)

Click to finish: 25 Things You Say During Sex, And What You Really Mean

(Source: College Humor)

Click to finish: 

7 Moments Even Sane People Believe in Ghosts

(Source: College Humor)

Click to finish: 6 Exercises for the Incredibly Lazy

(Source: College Humor)

8 Technology-Friendly Sex Positions [Click for more]
On sale now. 

8 Technology-Friendly Sex Positions [Click for more]

On sale now. 

The 10 Most Stupidly Expensive Pieces of Junk on eBay

You know when you have tens of thousands of dollars lying around but nothing to do with them? UGH, so annoying! Luckily for you, here are 10 stupid things you could spend a small fortune on and live a happy life never ever regretting, ever.

The 10 Most Stupidly Expensive Pieces of Junk on eBay [Click for more]
Lebron James’ Old Underpants, $2,323.23 (Buy it here.)
Talk about playing for the Heat, right ladies?? (No, I don’t know what I mean either.) Anyway, despite the adorable pricing of the panties at 23-23 and 23 cents, these are almost definitely not Lebron James’ real underpants. According to the description, the seller got them from the car trunk of a guy who “said he was the laundry boy for the Cavs” and “LBJ with the number 23 is written on the tag.” Pull on your welding goggles, y’all, because that proof sounds IRONCLAD. Keep the spending spree going with more expensive pieces of eBay junk. 

The 10 Most Stupidly Expensive Pieces of Junk on eBay [Click for more]

Lebron James’ Old Underpants, $2,323.23 (Buy it here.)

Talk about playing for the Heat, right ladies?? (No, I don’t know what I mean either.) Anyway, despite the adorable pricing of the panties at 23-23 and 23 cents, these are almost definitely not Lebron James’ real underpants. According to the description, the seller got them from the car trunk of a guy who “said he was the laundry boy for the Cavs” and “LBJ with the number 23 is written on the tag.” Pull on your welding goggles, y’all, because that proof sounds IRONCLAD. Keep the spending spree going with more expensive pieces of eBay junk

8 Technology-Friendly Sex Positions [Click for more]

How’s your Internet hookup?

Twidiots: “Is It Just Me or Do I Look Asian?” No, You Do Not.

In “Twidiots”, we collect the choicest thoughts on a particular topic from Twitter’s millions of users.

Ah, racial sensitivity. This country’s come a long way with it, but it still has a ways to go. Our friends on Twitter might be a good place to start. 

Also see: Is it just me, or do I look like Britney Spears? (No)

10 Real Life Mascots for Your College Sporting Event

Do I have to root for you?