An Internet Christmas Carol [Click to read the full story]
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An Internet Christmas Carol [Click to continue reading]
Scrooge is getting used to some new technology.
THERAPIST: Tell me, what’s been getting you down lately?
INTERNET: She just…she expects so much from me.
THERAPIST: Well, let’s talk about this. You’ve been letting her treat you this way for about how long now?
INTERNET: Well, she started using me about twelve years ago. First it was just to play her Nickelodeon online games. Innocent stuff. Like where you collect candy on a skateboard. This was maybe three times a week after school, for only about thirty minutes at a time. We were having a great time. But now…it’s…it’s horrible.
THERAPIST: Take your time. This is a safe zone.
INTERNET: I just can’t give her what she wants anymore. It’s this constant neediness. God, what am I?! A GENIE? No! I’m the goddamn internet! I can’t handle her refreshing all three of her email accounts, all open in three different tabs, at the exact same moment on a 4-minute loop for hours at a time. It’s an emotional workout.
THERAPIST: Have you tried to talk to her about this? Maybe show her how you feel?
INTERNET: Oh believe me, I’ve tried. I’m really slow now. I made her install a new version of Flash even though the old one was perfectly good. I even froze just as she was posting a message on her crush’s Facebook wall, making it post multiple times, hopefully embarrassing her. But she doesn’t get it. Now she has excellent video quality and that incident is a fun inside joke between her and her crush. I can’t get through to her.
THERAPIST: Well, let’s think about her for a second. How have these twelve years changed her? When did you start to notice something was different?
INTERNET: AIM was the first red flag. I could tell she wasn’t being herself. Her away message quoted the movie “Drumline”.
THERAPIST: And it only got worse?
INTERNET: That’s an understatement. She just started spending so much time with me. Okay, I did offer MySpace. I know that wasn’t a good decision on my part.
THERAPIST: You were an enabler.
INTERNET: Yeah, that was a really rocky time. She started to spend hours with me. Blogging about her freshman year of high school.
THERAPIST: A 14-year-old writing their deepest thoughts assuming people wanted to read it? You actually let her get away with that?
INTERNET: I SAID IT WAS A ROCKY TIME. [Continue reading]
“A couple of years ago, the shared desktop at my house was running fairly slow. My dad angrily informed me of this, and insisted that AIM must be the issue because its “taking up so much space.” He currently has six 500GB portable external hard drives hooked up to his computer, because he’ll “run out of space” without them.”
“When it comes to computers or technology, my dad is THE worst in our family. While he was on the 8 year old desktop, my AIM notification (makes a door closing/opening noise) would sound on and off since it was minimized to the task bar. So my dad tells me there was a ‘hacker entering the computer’ and leaving. He would make me listen for the sound of the hacker ‘entering the computer’ again after someone on my buddy list would sign off. That was 4 years ago….and, yet, he acutely slams the keyboard (with one finger, albeit) like it is an invincible typewriter.”
“Him: happy birthday college humors
Him: i mean st patricks day
Me: good save”
This is an issue VERY close to our hearts. Don’t you DARE say LOL when we can see you’re not LOLing.
(Source: College Humor)