No flash caligraphy.Traffic TicketI got a traffic ticket the other day for not getting in any accidents. The cop told me he pulled me over for "wreckless driving."-Silas VanSkyThanksgiving at Norman Rockwell's House"Wait, so we have to stay...
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69 Comments
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yesterday
The Ordinary Edition.Howie MandelHowie Mandel's soulpatch makes him look like he tried to grow a Hitler-stache but missed by a few inches.-Andrew B.Things Considered "A Waste of Time" By Luke Skywalker's Uncle1. Protecting the galaxy2. Picking up...
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94 Comments
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2 weeks ago
Not suitable for children and the eternally young."Saw VI" Used In A SentenceI Saw VI versions of the same movie.-Joseph DominickPlanet of the Apes!Charlton Heston: APES enslaving HUMANS? Everything in this world is backwards!Dr. Zaius: So you had...
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103 Comments
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1 month ago
Not available in parallel dimensions.If you go to clown college, what do you call the funniest guy in class?-Patrick Christopher N.What They Should SayIf it ain't broke, then you need to fix your grammar.-Phillip LelandBuzz Lightyear doesn't...
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86 Comments
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1 month ago
Please remove tinfoil suit for better reception.A true optimist would think the glass is half awesome.-Jeremy DNext time you see a porn star lying on one of those heart-shaped beds, take a minute to remember the human-shaped bed who donated it...
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62 Comments
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1 month ago
Y2K10 Compatible.The Commandment Moses "Lost" on the Way Down From Mount Sinai11. Thou shalt stone to death he who brought these Commandments down-Patrick CasselsI got thrown out of my company's annual family picnic, because apparently there are...
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84 Comments
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2 months ago
Shark WeekDid you hear the one about the appendix? It's a real side-splitter!-Ryan ManningI walked in on my parents having sexYou should see my face on the video tape-Joseph FlowersConfused Entourage Fan at the Emmys"How the hell did Kevin Dillon...
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86 Comments
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2 months ago
In color. Actually, two colors: black and white.In school, I gave 110%. No wonder I failed math.-Eric Van Der SchlogenMy grandfather winked at me when he told a secret, turns out the secret was that he was having a stroke.-Will MartinMost boring...
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61 Comments
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2 months ago
Suitable for all ages except the Renaissance.Door knobs have the most germs, we should stop telling people to slob on them.-Andrew RothI thought it was ironic that my girlfriend had to work on "Labor" Day, though I'm assuming irony wasn't the...
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74 Comments
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2 months ago
In adequately sharp definition!The Moon landing was a hoax. It was actually Mars. We didn't want to brag.-Patrick CasselsI wasn't a bad wrestler because I lost matches or I couldn't make weight. It was the uncontrollable farting whenever I got...
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82 Comments
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3 months ago
Available on Zip Drive.Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you bore him for a lifetime.-Boz WorthyWhat's the difference between a unicyclist and a pancake?Nothing, if your driving a steamroller.-The NTCA guy at a...
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110 Comments
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3 months ago
300 Hours Free!Do cowboys just call them hats?-Fred FreikingAllergiesWhen I was little I was allergic to strawberries. Last week I tried a strawberry, and to my surprise, I still hate my mother.-Stephenie EllisGod doesn't get mad. He gets even....
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125 Comments
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3 months ago
Issue One Hundred and Nineteen It would probably suck to be Alice Cooper's kid and have to go to summer school. -Conor McKeon I stopped a cannibal from eating me by lying on the ground for 5 seconds. -Gareth...
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56 Comments
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4 months ago
It's cool. We were invited. Every walk is a "Walk of Shame" if you're fat enough. -Mike Cence Two words that can get you fired the quickest in a Sports Illustrated for Kids pitch meeting Swimsuit Issue -Adam...
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69 Comments
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4 months ago
Blowing through the jasmine in your mind.Loser: "I'm into Nickelback."Mega-loser: "I was into Nickelback before they were cool."-Streeter SeidellWorst/Best Newspaper HeadlineEx-con Pledges to Make Rape History-Ben Hutchinson"Haley, There's no easy...
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88 Comments
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4 months ago
Superior Readability.I like to say, "You only live once." Not because I'm adventurous, but because I like pissing off Buddhists.-Matt SandlerCopernicus Is Your Annoying Mother"You know, the world doesn't revolve around you."-Patrick CasselsMy cell...
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96 Comments
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4 months ago
This will be on the test.Urinals are just God's way of telling us our khakis didn't have enough pee on them.-Willie OI locked up my bicycle and someone stole my front tire and my seat. I'm on the lookout for anyone riding a unicycle.-Shawn...
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72 Comments
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5 months ago
Literature's junk drawer.I was looking at the javelins for our track team. They have a warning label. It says, "Check surroundings for people before throwing." Shouldn't that be standard procedure for everything sharp?-Michael LodatoUncomfortable...
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168 Comments
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5 months ago
Stick it to Iran: Waste more time on the Internet.I can count cards. 52 everytime.-Shawn PearlmanA man walked into a BAR exam. He didnt study. Ouch.-The NTCAdolf HitlerThe original sour Kraut.-Patrick CasselsI'm certain Survivor is just a reality...
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74 Comments
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5 months ago
Turn on, tune in, drop out. In that order EXACTLY.Every movie made before 1990 should just be called a "premake."-Andrew B.They say that neanderthals went extinct because early humans hunted and ate them, which is just horrible. Now I'll never...
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82 Comments
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5 months ago 
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