You were never really around a whole lot, but I always thought you were kind of a prick. I suppose I didn’t have any really reason to, but when you would be gone for a week at a time boning your high-school girlfriend, I would pee in the sink beside your bed 5 or 6 times a night. I once jerked off into it because I was too lazy to look for an old rag. I farted all over your bed, used your razor, stole all your porn, and constantly pocketed change from your desk drawers. And I don’t know how you got so “stoned” on all that fake weed I was selling you.
(Source: College Humor)