Wait, did I sleep through the end of the world, again? [Click for full article]
I’ve settled my debts. Prayed for forgiveness. Duct taped myself inside my dorm room. I am at peace with the end of everything as we know it. As soon as that happens. Wait, when’s that supposed to happen again? December twenty-somethingth? I always forget. Shit.
I know I have it down somewhere. Let’s see… cats dressed like people calender, people dressed like cats calendar, Jets team schedule, ah, here it is, Mayan calendar!
Err, how do I read this again? Shit shit shit.
OK, don’t panic, I’m sure I haven’t missed it. I would have heard something right? Or nothing? Can you hear nothing? Brimstone maybe? What the hell is brimstone? Oh god, what day is today?!
FUCK! I slept through it again, didn’t I? This happens every goddamn time. I write it down on the dry erase board on my door. I start prepping. Then my roommate and his friends get drunk and draw dicks all over my dry erase board, which makes it hard to read what I wrote down. Next thing I know I’m back on XBOX Live playing Uncharted, wondering why all the sudden I have so much bottled water and solar powered survival gear.
If I missed this apocalypse I’m totally gonna fail the universe this semester and I’m definitely never going to get into a top tier heaven. My ancestors are gonna be pissed if I end up in the crappy Scientology one…[Keep Reading]