10 Things Rick Santorum Has Time to Do Now That He’s Quit

1. Sew the sleeves back on his sweaters.
2. Start a rebuttal campaign against Dan Savage to make “savage” mean “fierce, uncivilized, or rude.” Buy a dictionary. Declare himself successful.
3. Unclench a few muscles, maybe.
4. Finally send Rick Perry that ambiguously flirty email that’s been in his drafts since last June.
5. Pull a series of “Parent Trap”-style pranks to get Church and State back together.

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10 Things Rick Santorum Has Time to Do Now That He’s Quit

1. Sew the sleeves back on his sweaters.

2. Start a rebuttal campaign against Dan Savage to make “savage” mean “fierce, uncivilized, or rude.” Buy a dictionary. Declare himself successful.

3. Unclench a few muscles, maybe.

4. Finally send Rick Perry that ambiguously flirty email that’s been in his drafts since last June.

5. Pull a series of “Parent Trap”-style pranks to get Church and State back together.

Keep Reading