105%

Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Three

by 105%-O-Matic August 27, 2009


In adequately sharp definition!

The Moon landing was a hoax. It was actually Mars. We didn't want to brag.
-Patrick Cassels
I wasn't a bad wrestler because I lost matches or I couldn't make weight. It was the uncontrollable farting whenever I got pinned.
-Adam Newman
I just found out my dad was a huge stud in college. Apparently he banged both the girls across the hall from me during Parents' Day.
-Conor McKeon
Z, the last letter in the alphabet, indicates sleep when there are many. Zzzzz. A, the first letter, indicates being very awake. Aaaaaaa!!!
-Shawn Pearlman
Rule of Thumb
It's not a finger.
-John Baglio
"Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds was a song made for the film "The Breakfast Club," the entire cast of which was forgotten.
-All Royalty Studios
Whenever you see someone driving a Corvette or any other expensive car the immediate reaction is "Wow that guy must have a small dick." But whenever I drive my scooter around for some reason no one assumes I'm hung.
-Marc Dandeneau
Using Draino is like throwing money down the drain.
-Pete Deming
I don't buy Welch's grape juice. I'm always afraid that the company will send goons to take it back.
-Joseph Fanning
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